Pain & Healing


With my posting about a sister wife I really hurt my wife’s feelings, for that I’m truly sorry. I see words in most cases as words. Thoughts that in most cases are meaningless. That posting lead my wife to ask questions if I had cheated. To me just speaking some words off the top of my head about some concept doesn’t constitute that the action is going to happen.

My wife read the blog post Marriage isn’t for me. Here is an excerpt from that post:
“Seth, you’re being totally selfish. So I’m going to make this really simple: marriage isn’t for you. You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy. More than that, your marriage isn’t for yourself, you’re marrying for a family. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense, but for your future children. Who do you want to help you raise them? Who do you want to influence them? Marriage isn’t for you. It’s not about you. Marriage is about the person you married.”

My wife said she sees me do this for her but she doesn’t do this for me. Her telling me that was huge. She sees this and could then start to take steps to healing. What I mean by healing is dealing with the effects of the things her father did to her. We started going to counseling and now she’s going on her own. This is huge! It’s important, not just for us and our family but mostly for her. See, even though I feel insignificant to my wife, my needs are not thought about and when they are it’s a chore instead of something for the person you love. I will not give up on my wife. For some of you the stories are different. Some are more harsh then others. Yet, I know where these issues come from with my wife and choose to stand by her through it. Yes, sometimes I think that I’ll be in my 50’s wondering why I wasted so much time and that then it will be to late to truly be happy with someone meeting my needs just as much as them meeting mine. I don’t always so the right things, do the right things, be the right husband or dad but I try and I’ll be there.

I know my wife will read this and I wanted to say that for the pain that was caused I’m truly sorry. For the healing, I’ll be here.

I Love You,

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~ by Frustrated Hubby on November 22, 2013.

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