A Laundry List of Pain

My wifes list of pain and heartache,

  • Depression
  • Bad Self Image
  • No Sex Drive
  • Fibromyalgia
  • Hypoglycemia
  • (PTSD) Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from the molestation at the hands of her father
  • (PTSD) Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from feeling that her mother did nothing to protect and prosecute the father when the mother was told
  • Feelings of guilt
  • Being the victim from her father, boyfriends and even me when I want sex and she just gives in.

This is just off the top of my head the stuff I deal with daily in one aspect or another. In one way or another they all feed off of each other. They all started from the molestation from her father. While some have said that I’ve decided to sentence myself to this life and looking at it they’re right. Yet, knowing where this issues come from helps me deal with it. I understand she is who she is due to the things that happened to her. I couldnt live with myself just giving up. I would truly feel horrible. After talking to a therapist he told me he was amazed. That I had a huge amount of integrity. I’ve seen a different person in my wife only a few times in the past 14 years. She is loving, caring and seems to love life. Because I know this person is in there I keep hope that someday she’ll emerge. How long am I willing to wait you ask? I dont know really. Ask me that when my kids are old enough to be on their own. My feelings might have changed by then. By then I’ll be in my mid 50’s and well might as say fuck it by then and just stay the course.

I’ll keep wanting my wife to think of sex with her husband, to want to wear stockings for me because she knows it would make me happy. I know that wont happen but I can always keep the hope. If not, then well. The internet is a wonderful thing and there are plenty of fantasies I can have.


~ by Frustrated Hubby on March 14, 2012.

9 Responses to “A Laundry List of Pain”

  1. Having read Mikes entry I found myself asking why women are so dishonest? Are they so stupid they can’t see how much they lose out behaving like this? Do they die sexually at some mystical point? Does society indoctrinate them into beleiving this behaviour is right and acceptable? Any ladies like thgis care to give me a coherent answer? (don’t forget I’m a mere male – keep it understandable)!

    • I have more than those issues and still want sex WAY more than my husband. I have bought little oufits, and tried to “surprise ” him. I’ve suggested role playing, you name it..if .someone isn’t sexually at the same level, then you decide what is more important. If the sex is…computers are cheaper, and they don’t talk.so, Is my husband as stupid as you think woman are or are we all stupid. You put me in the stupid group…If I am not in your mold of idiotic woman, you must be in that same boat according to me. Men and woman want the same thing…Or maybe she’s just seeing someone who doesn’t think she’s stupid..hmmmm?? We had sex three days in a 35 day cycle, all initiated by me. BTW, I am thin, he needs to lose 150 lbs, so don’t try making me a dog or not worth looking at. We have sex because we love each other. He has medical conditions, Like I said so do I. You all are apparently not in love with your wife if you have her narrowed down to a sex slave for your pleasure…PIG. Have you ever given her a compliment…because the way you talk about her has to be better than what you actually say to her, a person you entered into the sacred bonds of marriage whom you’re more likely to tell your intimate secrets to. I think she should know you think she is stupid, and playing games…try a divorce attorney…it’d be more respectful to her!!

      • ” You all are apparently not in love with your wife if you have her narrowed down to a sex slave for your pleasure…PIG”

        I hope this was directed to the person your commenting about and not me. If it was directed at me then I would ask that you read through some of my postings way back.

      • Kathleen, I’m assuming you are directing the pig insult at me. If you check out the ‘Fuck that, we’re not alone’ thread you might understand where I’m coming from with this.
        Frustratedhubby and others have all given me sound help and advice there and you can read my hopeless exisitence on there. Maybe, hopefully you will change your view, I hope so. And I didn’t put you in a group, wouldn’t dream of it. But it does seem to me that women will do anything sexually with their man until they’ve got what they want, home, jewellery, clothes, kids, etc, then its ‘ you’re a filthy perv if you can’t love me without sex’.
        Yes, I do think you are in the same boat as me.
        I do not see women as ‘sex slaves’. I do see it as a commitment when you marry someone. Its unfair to deny your partner intimacy without explanation. I feel I can’t express my love naturally. I can’t enjoy us and if I can’t neither can she.
        If she’s getting it elsewhere then I’m dumb because I haven’t realised. I think she’d rather use toys!
        I don’t want a sex slave, I want to love and feel loved. You had sex 3 times in 35 days, brilliant, if I’d had that I’d be over the moon. We’ve managed it twice this year! I’m the only bloke I know who moans about lack of foreplay too.
        My wife thinks we should not discuss our problems with anyone outside of us but won’t talk to me about it!
        Most of us love our wives deeply and this situation is cruel, just as it is for you as a woman. The difference is when we talk about it you label us as pervs or such; when women talk about lack of sex its cruelty on the husbands part, grounds for divorce and all that other shit.
        I’m still there after all this time because even through all her abuse, (yes, abuse) of me, I still love her. It’s her that turns me on. I have remained faithfull for 37 years. How I don’t know but I have. Neither of us are pretty but then we never were. I feel physical pain with this but who cares?

  2. Mike,

    I know I wasn’t alone a long time ago. I’m glad that this blog has in some little way let others know that they too are not alone in what they are going through.

    I can tell you this. The issue or issues aren’t with you but lie within your wife. There is something she needs to works out. It doesnt matter what you do the outcome will be the same.

    It’s sad but I feel that women and men who act like this don’t really understand what they have until it isnt there for them anymore.

    I understand and wish YOU the best. All I can say is this. What’s the value on YOUR happyness?

  3. My friend, you are NOT alone, I am a 44 year old heterosexual Caucasian male, married for 24 years (not happily), 2 sons both matured and moved from home, been at same job for 15 years etc etc BUT our sex life is all but totally fizzled. With her and I its the same ol same ol and I am the one ALWAYS doing ALL the work. I go down on her every time and do it so well because I know she likes that as you cant fake a “wet orgasm” but, she never gives oral sex to me anymore and hasnt for a LONG time, no change in any positions or environment (always the bed at 8-9am on Sat or Sun morning) and just lays on her back and I have now had to resort to wearing a condom just so I can fake an orgasm and her not have the “proof” of it. Matter of fact it was her idea we start using condoms because of the mess she hated having to deal with a long time ago so it works both ways…and NO she is not cheating on me, believe me I know and yes (shame on me sorry I am a man that has needs and yes I do feel bad about it) I have cheated on her a few times in the past and with one particular woman, if I could do it all over again I would! She gave to me in a few weeks what my wife hasnt been able to in the 24 years weve known each other and that has been since high school and we were both horny as hell and up until about I want to say a good 15 years ago the sex just tapered off. She no longer does remotely any of those things she used to do with me! I have found myself looking forward to alone time just so I can masturbate instead of having to even attempt to ask her for any sex, because she never asks for it and if she hints its very subtle almost to the point that IF I dont get it and try to initiate an encounter then its already started off on the wrong foot and then it becomes my fault. Now before anyone decides to ask, yes we have tried marriage counseling and that went nowhere AND I am constantly trying to do nice and loving things for her, apologize when I know Im wrong, get her flowers, make her breakfast, just small to big things at random and it feels all for naught whether intents for sex or just to see her happy are there. I cant even touch her or make suggestive comments to her as she says Im am being a pig or a pervert and tells me my hands are “hot” or something and doesnt want me touching her. I sincerely believe my wants and desires are not deviant or perverted as far as normal social standards go but I have repeatedly tried to suggest different things and she has made it clear that I am not to speak of such things, but I cant see what is so bad about these things as I have heard my coworkers (male and female alike) talk about their ventures and some of the things I could only imagine getting to do. I recall not too far back here one occurance now burned within my mind and this idea spurned from when I had heard one of my female coworkers taking to her friend about some very sexual outfit/nighty she was going to wear for her man tonight and a sex toy she had bought them, so wife and I were out shopping at a retail store that evening and she was looking for a bra or something or another and I grabbed a very nice pair of fishnet pantyhose off a rack and asked her, suggestively, what she thought about wearing these for me, well to make a long story short and her $0.02 about how I should know better to ask and I quote what she said at the end of it was “Well then maybe you should just find someone to wear them for you or put them on yourself.” That is now stuck in my head like a pebble in my shoe. So as you can see You are not alone in all this and I find myself more and more everyday looking for someone else that would appreciate ALL of the attention I could give and what I have to offer and what scares me in that is I am afraid I may make a desperate move that may cause me more trouble than what I am trying to accomplish to begin with. Anyhow the way I see it is wife and I should probably part ways, but….pretty difficult when there is a mortgage, debt, 3 pets we both love and all that involved. If it wasnt for our pets and I knew the mortgage and debt wouldnt come back to haunt me I would have left a long time ago.

    • Mike,
      You say you cheated in the past. My question is; did it help or make things worse? Re-reading your piece I see so many similarities to my situation and I wonder if I should venture elsewhere. I don’t know if I can cope with the emotions it might bring up in me, that’s why I ask. Hope you still check this blog out! John

  4. You know. I have had so many issues withdrawal depression its not even funny, I go through times where I don’t want to have sex with my hubby but then there are times where I cant get enough. I only have one child from a previous marriage but if I had that much “unlove” in my marriage there would be no way I could stay, weather children were involved or not. I’ve loved beyond imagine in past relationships, even wore stockings, lingerie, any kind of sexy clothing etc, did things my partner went crazy for, but if you or your parintner are not happy, things should change. Marriage, or any relationship for that matter, is a compromise, and in no way one sided. I hope someday you find what you are looking for, even if it means not being where you are right now.

  5. I’m glad to see you writing again…it’s good for the soul :)

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