Time Stands Still

I’m glad to see that my blog after all of this time still resonates with people. If anything they feel they aren’t alone, and your not. Thing with my wife haven’t changed. I still masturbate daily, I wont get my feelings hurt or rejected by my hand. Last Saturday I wanted to make love to my wife in the morning. I started fiddling with her, I got naked, pulled down her panties all the while she isnt saying anything. I pushed myself up against her butt, fully erect I slid myself not into her but was rubbing against her. Now as you might imagine your level of wanting sex is through the roof at this point. Your within centimeters from penetration. She very well knew what I wanted. I was then promptly shot down. Made to feel that if I continued I would be taking advantage of her almost against her will. She would give in, but I would have felt as if I had raped her. Needless to say this caused me to back off, frustrated and very pissed off. Who wouldn’t be right. What if this turned around on a woman who wanted sex. She might feel the same way. I mentioned that I was upset, she said she wasn’t feeling well. This to is a common statement, one that leads me to think that my wife has no immune system and catches everything under the sun. I expressed how she had lead me on, allowed my hope and urge to build only to smash it. That it was cruel. I was then told that she would be willing to just before she took a shower. Ok, a compromise I see. I was also suckered into doing some “acts of service” one of “her” love languages. More on that in a second. The day passes by, I do my chores. She is about to take a shower. I follow her upstairs thinking I’m going to continue where things left off. What do you think happened?……..

The 2nd of the days lets down happened. After I had done what was asked of me I was refused, yes what I feel at this point was owed to me. Sex from my wife. I know it sounds wrong but that’s how I looked at it. If I did XY and Z I would get paid. She came back with it felt like a chore for her, Uhhh I just completed a bunch of chores for her whats the difference? Needless to say there was a mini fight with me expressing my distrust, her leading me on to get what she wanted and then not paying up at the end, something she said she would do.

So, has anything happened since then. NOPE!  She said she hates her body but yet she will buy a cake and eat the entire thing in a week. I’m starting to feel that I have imposed on myself a life of sexual torment with brief moments of excitement either it be sexual or something else. We have young kids and I would be unwilling to quit while they’re at home. Ask me 15 years from now and I might have a different answer or mistress.


~ by Frustrated Hubby on March 9, 2012.

17 Responses to “Time Stands Still”

  1. Unneuteredeunuch37, there is a mod, me. Yet, I feel that I shouldn’t sensor someone opinion as that’s what it is. Their opinion. I’m an adult and can take the hits, it’s ok. I’m more concerned that the site is letting people know that there are a number of us going through the same thing.

  2. and to anyone who disagrees that this poor husband wants the world to revolve around his cock, you have no idea. He hasn’t had sex in ages. His wife goes on and on about how fat she feels. Why doesn’t she just turn out all the lights and let him get it over and done with? His one minute of pleasure is a little sacrifice on her part and it means alot to him.

  3. I feel for you. I am married to a man who was also molested by an aunty. The funny thing is, for the first sex years we were together we always made love. About 6 times in one day sometimes. Now he says “no” to me and says he’s tired, or he’ll bring up the molestation thing. I know I sound horrible saying that him being molested sounds like an excuse that he can conveniently use now, but thats how it feels. I don’t know how you can stand to be with someone who won’t let you make love to them. Im at the point of leaving him. Again I am horrible for saying this but is it fair for me to stop being me for someone who doesn’t care enough to make some sacrifices for me. I love him but I need sex. Either he gives it up or I move on. I don’t like the idea of cheating. It just seems to messy and secretive and worrying…

  4. Fuck you. Pressuring your wife into having sex with you? Seriously? You shouldn’t “expect” sex because it was promised, it’s her choice entirely.
    The world doesn’t revolve around your cock.

    • Adam,
      First off allow me to say that I respect your opinion but I do have to say STFU. When you get married, yes there is some expectation that you will make love to your partner. That you will feel connected to them. Having sex is part of making that connection.

      Now, if you tell me “complete, X, Y and Z and I’ll give you sex later on.” I’m not setting the expectation, she is. Once she sets the expectation as any would be you look forward to it. When you get upstairs, your both naked in the bed and your spooning, while yes she can say I dont want to. Frustration will ensue. It would for anyone.

      Is there some pressure for sex from my wife. Yes, on a scale of 1-10 it’s a 2.

      So, before you speak up and insert your ass. Take the time to read through some of my other deep postings about our relationship and how I’ve stood by my wife. Once you do that. I then encourage you to email me through here and I’ll setup a posting just for you to comment if that makes you feel better.

    • thought there was a moderator on this site.
      Hey Adam. When two people sign up for a marriage they agree to the carnal side of it. Neither has a choice to just stop taking part. That’s what marriage is about and no-one should marry if they can’t keep their side of the bargain. Go back to playing with yourself until you can become an adult.

  5. I feel for you. I just don’t understand why women “don’t get it” but they don’t. Part of the blame lies with the Women’s Liberation movement. Equal pay for equal work and Equal opportunity, is one thing, but equality of worth is not the same thing as being equal, of being the same. For so long, women have been hearing “You can do anything a man can do” (which may be true in today’s world) they believe that they are just like men, and they aren’t. Women are born with all the eggs they will ever produce in their life, men produce about 150 million sperm a day. I joke with my wife that every day “150 million beasties just have to get out” and she gets it. If she isn’t in the mood for whatever reason, she helps me masturbate, holds my sack, cuddles, etc.

    I read an article a few months ago about a woman who had to take testosterone for some hormonal issue she had. She was flabbergasted at what it felt like to be horny all the time. Too bad articles like that don’t make it to the grocery checkout lane magazine racks, maybe more women would “get it”.

    As I see it, you have several options;

    1 Take a lover (risky)
    2 Take advantage of escort services (expensive)
    3 Masturbate (takes the edge off, but doesn’t satisfy the real need, which is for intimacy)
    4 Change partners (only works for a year or two, then the same syndrome takes over the new partner)
    5 Educate your partner. The ideal solution, but never guaranteed to work, she has to want to understand.

    Women need to understand that for men to feel love, they have to experience sex. Men feel intimacy, connected, they can only express their deepest emotions, through genital contact.

    I don’t want to play arm chair psychologist, but it sounds to me like your wife doesn’t feel sexy. She has been confused by the media and popular culture that conflate sexy and ideal body. In other words she believes a lie, and it takes deep emotional therapy to un-educate her wrong beliefs. Advertising has played on her deepest insecurities in a way that make her feel unworthy of being desired, just to sell her a certain brand of soap, toothpaste, deodorant, razor, perfume, toilet paper, etc.

    Good luck,


    • Brian,
      I think it’s not that women don’t get it. It’s that they are very complex and honestly they don’t even know how they run themselves. I know where my wifes issues came from. In my opinion it would be wrong to suddenly leave because I didn’t want to deal with them. She would love not to deal with them either.

  6. This part of your statement is interesting “it started getting bad when he wasn’t t bothered about anything anymore. I felt unattracted to him. I needed more, like selfish things on my part. The odd bunch of flowers or even just put the bloody toilet seat down! Wash your own clothes for once.”

    What did he give up on? This caused a change in you. Think back to when things were great. What was the spark that changed it all? You then felt unattracted to him, thus feeding into it. You then started to resent him, not bringing you flowers, doing his own laundry etc. Even if he HAD done these things you still wouldn’t have been happy as the original issue would have still been there.

    Look at these, see what your are and what his are. If you look I would suspect that neither of you are meeting what the other needs.
    Words of Affirmation

    Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

    Quality Time

    In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

    Receiving Gifts

    Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.

    Acts of Service

    Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

    Physical Touch

    This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

    Mine are Words of Affirmation and Touch. My wifes are quality time and Acts of Service. yet, with Acts of Service I feel if I do X that I should get rewarded with sex. I see it as a fair trade. My wife sees having sex as a chore then a wife needs to do, one she could live without. There is no amount of “how I treat her” that will change that.

    It’s never one sided and you really, I mean really need to sit down and talk to him. You want to understand on how to make things better. How you both got down this path and how you both are going to make it better.

    Your gaining a few pounds, so what. If you feel sexy to yourself then great! If not then learn to love yourself and feel sexy to yourself first.

    Let me know how it goes. Hell, point him here and have him ask his own questions.

  7. Kelly,
    There has to be something that started it all. Think back, besides the financial situation is there anything you can think of? My thing is stockings. I LOVE them and my wife doesn’t even think to put them on. You walked into my office at home wearing nothing and stockings. We wouldn’t have made it to the bottom of the stairs before I would have bent you over and started going at it.

    Just to let you know. The feelings that you have when another man shows you attention ARE NOT WRONG! It’s natural. You want to feel wanted. You need to know the other person needs you. When you don’t feel those feelings your a magnet to anyone who does show you them.

    Do you know the 5 love languages? I found them in dealing with my wife and while they aren’t always easy to meet. They are good to know.

    If you don’t mind me asking what type of sex do you have when you do? Is it plain Jane, do you dress up? Suggestion, one night be forceful with him. Wait until he’s changing, or coming out of the shower. Spill something on him sticky like soda or something that will force him to take a shower earlier. When he has the towel drying his head. Walk in, drop to your knees and give him a blow job. No matter how hard he tries, you will wake him up. Then using force drop him on the floor / bed whatever is closest. Tell him that your going to fuck his brains out and if he doesnt like it then so be it but you want to get laid and cum. It’s either him or some one else. At this point almost any mans hornyness level should be through the roof and he would be hard enough to pound nails. While he’s down, you spit in your hand, make yourself moist and ride him like there’s no tomorrow. Honestly, you need to forget he’s even there. Let your eyes roll back in your head and go for it. You want to cum and he’s the means to make it happen. Now, could this be called rape? Yes, if he says NO and means it and you continue. Trust me, I wouldnt call rape. Ok, maybe at the 50th time but only then :)

    If that doesnt work, and he is really unresponsive. Then you have some choices to make. Get a (BOB) Battery Operated Boyfriend or some thing else that will give you the release you need.

    • We used to have amazing sex. It didn’t take much either but we have been together since I was 17. He used to come home from work and I would be ready for him coming home, lying naked on the couch. He used to get in the shower while I was in. Spontaneously. We even used to have sex outside and in a car. Even my old back garden, seriously! We used to wake up in the middle of the night having sex, not one of us initiating it, but just both mad for it.
      There was nothing in particular that would get him going. From as little as a passionate kiss or even a hug but especially just seeing me naked. Ive always wanted to dress up for him but he says what’s the point, it’s all coming off anyways. Fair point really. I personally like the old missionary position mainly becuase I like him to take charge but all is good, but I must admit sometimes I feel abit insecure as all women do sometimes and that’s when I prefer missionary more. He can’t see my whole body that way.
      I know he’s not seeing anyone else or anything. I just think he’s just bored with me after 10 years. My body hasn’t really changed much since I was 17, just put on slightly more weight I guess but I was underweight when I was a kid!
      Just now even though I want nothing more than the love and attention of him, it started getting bad when he wasn’t t bothered about anything anymore. I felt unattracted to him. I needed more, like selfish things on my part. The odd bunch of flowers or even just put the bloody toilet seat down! Wash your own clothes for once. When I feel loved inside I can really let go and love him fully if you know what I mean. It’s a complicated mind I’ve got but I think most women will agree. I never cut him off though, I just wasn’t really into it when I was feeling like that. Looks like I’ve started this problem and it’s escalated from there.

  8. Just found your blog, hope you’ll continue to blog more as you write very well. I am in the same frustrating scenario except i’m the woman that’s not getting any. Married coming up to 4 years.

  9. Kelly,

    Your wrong, I do want to hear your problems. You should also want to get them out. Something has to be going on. At 28 your still really young. I would kill for a wife that loved to make love to me as much as I did her.

    So, tell me your story. Get graphic, what have you tried. What do you do? What doesn’t he do. One thing I’ve learned is that this blog has in some ways let people they’re not alone, men and women.

    • I don’t really try anything anymore becuase he never even bothers washing! He’s suffering from depression due to financial difficulties etc! Life is just one big nightmare.
      The other night though, we went to a friends party and he actually got all dressed up and smelling great. He’s a good looking guy when he makes an effort. Just before we were about to leave I walked up to him and gave him a sexy your gonna get it later kiss and said please don’t drink too much tonight so we can have some fun later. If he’s had a few to drink then nothing is possible!! I actually thought he seemed up for it but no he got completely pissed and that was that. When we were out I actually found myself looking at men in a way a married women shouldn’t! Getting excited when a man would look at me in the eye and coming close to talk to me!! That’s just not the way I should feel!! But it’s been so long and my body is craving for attention.
      I’ve even walked into his office naked and begged him to come to bed and he just looked at me like he was bored of it and what he was doing was more interesting.
      I understand depression is huge and effects everything in life but I can’t live like this. I feel like I’m being selfish though.

  10. Very interesting reading. I really feel for you. I’ve been married since November after 10 years. I haven’t had sex with my husband for 3 weeks! He just doesnt ever want to come to bed with me! Even a hug is a 2 second thing! Getting him to shower is also difficult so I don’t really know why I want to be close to him!
    Anyways you don’t need to hear my problems but I think you’d find it interesting to know that it’s not just the men that go through these things!
    P.s I’m only 28, do I need to continue with this all because I made the nightmare commitment of marriage!? No kids either! I wonder what the hell in doing now!

  11. I haven’t read your blog in a very long time, and, I’m sorry to hear that things haven’t gotten any better for you. But, I do commend you for sticking with your commitments…as tough as that may be.

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