It’s been a long time…

I has been a very long time since I posted here. The real reason is that I no longer feel the need to vent. For some of you guys that are going through the same things, yes it’s very frustrating. I cant tell you what to do. I can tell you that in most cases as in mine the issue really isnt with me. I had to learn to stop beating myself up, for feeling like I was a horrible lover for not being able to turn my wife on. What I’ve noticed over the years is that the issues with our partners are deep rooted from the past. We love them so we want to try and fix the issue, take the pain away. At the same time there are needs that we have and get frustrated when that hunger isnt being met. i’ve come to the resolve that no matter how much I talk to my wife about what I want. Things wont change. Do I wish that my wife acted liked a girlfriend in the past where I knew exactly what it would take to turn her on and when I did she was ready to go. Sure, I’m I going to get it? No, and I’ve decided to live with that. It’s so easy for people to get rid of the other partner that isnt doing what they would like or want. I made a choice when I said those words that no matter how hard things got I would still stick it out. Honestly I think most guys would do the same.

Is it nice when someone else flirts with you? Sure it is. It makes you realize that it isn’t you that is the problem. It boosts your ego. At the same time you realize that in the long run you would just be trading one womans issues for another. You wouldn’t be gaining that sex vixen you so longed within your lover. If you do find her, then you may want to look behind her and everything else she is bringing along.

I’m glad that after so long this blog still gives some solace to men knowing that they aren’t alone. That you have a voice and how I deal with the situation. So, keep the comments coming, there is someone out there to read them and for you to understand your not alone.




~ by Frustrated Hubby on October 23, 2011.

5 Responses to “It’s been a long time…”

  1. Stumble on this blog and I understand and feel the same hurt with my husband. Tried everything, sexy lingerie, talking and writing it down in a letter. My husband hasn’t kissed me passionately in 22 years, doesn’t like to hold hands or cuddle. Trying my best not to cheat and not walk away from 22yrs of marriage. Vibraters not interesting anymore, I just want my husband to hold me, kiss me, tell me he’s in love with me! Best of luck to you all.

  2. Tony,
    Do you love her? You really have to ask yourself that first. If the answer is yes, but your frustrated ask yourself why? Not the “I’m not getting sex why”. But the real why YOU are upset. What I’ve found out is us guys try to fix things that are broken. It’s in our nature, if it’s broken man will fix. The thing is you need to see what is really broken. Is it the way your treating her, or is it something deep down inside her like my wife?

    I came to realize that no matter how hard I wanted to fix my wife, take her pain away, be her shoulder and give her as much strength I could give. It wouldnt matter if SHE didn’t see the need to change. I stopped beating my head against the wall and the frustration subsided.

    I still masturbate sure. Would I still love to be in a really loving relationship with my wife then one of coexisting with a little love sprinkled in, sure. Is it going to happen? Not anytime soon until SHE wants to be happy within herself.

    Have you sat down and spoken to her? I mean really spoken to her about your feelings, that you NEED to to understand what she’s going through. Women like to keep things inside. They wont say anything and when we get a pissy attitude they dont know where it comes from. Men need information in order to understand how we need to process it. Without that we get frustrated as we feel clueless.

    There have been posts here from women that say you need to do X and Y and Z. I ask why is it always the OTHER partner that needs to do something. Why can’t a woman look in the mirror and see that in most cases that THEY need to work on something. That it’s not ok to act the way they have been and feel that everyone around them needs to adjust. Maybe everyone around them is fine and THEY need to do some adjusting. I’ve found out women dont like to look at themselves for who they are. They would rather turn away and point the finger externally. Looking inside hurts, and theres a lot of hurt inside a lot of women.

    If you truly love her, while being frustrated, be there. She in some way needs you but can’t come to grips with whats going on. When you realize that you can’t do anything to change her or the situation. Life will get easier for you and your kids.

    Just remember, your in no way alone.

  3. Great to read about men with the issues i have. I could write a trilogy but will spare you all this time. I have 4 kids but am still young 37, do everything around the house to prevent that “oh i,m tired” excuse but never any joy. I am super frustrated all the time, high sexdrive but lucky to get it once a month. It’s always me, the laptop and my hand….have had x6 affairs but the ladies in question live to far to get too. I am so angry, upset and feel alone. Better to be single and try get it often, no wife/partner to nag and be happy than to stay. Life to short, go and live it before it’s too late.

  4. Wow. Really sounds like you settled. “No matter how much I talk to my wife about what I want things wont change”. How sad. I was once in a, what I thought, was a very loving relationship, but I had some personal issues that the guy I was with just couldn’t handle. So I hate to tell you, but there is always a way out of every relationship. Especially a one sided one. Sex, no matter what people say, is a very important part of marriage. Yea, there’s kids and work and everyday life stuff but if you dont have love(sex) then something is missing…..just my opinion.

  5. A relief to read these messages. My situation in brief. Three kids, married. Both late 30’s. Sex and all intimacy stopped after birth of second child. Sex was never a problem before and it was very good. I got totally frustrated. Porn at night, masterbation and as one other post says, all the other woman start looking gorgeous. Fantasies arrive. New woman at my work, she flatters me. Affair starts. The “other woman” becomes a bunny boiler. Threatens me with disclosure to both employer and wife. She entices me to continue the affair. So I desperately want out but continue because I dread work implications and loss of family. Wife and I then have a couple of sexual encounters which result in an unplanned pregnancy. Other woman becomes even more of a bunny boiler. Affair is found out. Wife is broken. Go to counselling and the whole thing gets turned on its head, and it appears that the whole thing is down to what happenned to me when I was brought up, and that I protect my parents, when I should support my wife. Wife uses very hurting comments to me to hurt me. I end up self harming because I feel so awful. Suicidal. Still no sex. No intimacy. I am still wanting the “release” of sex. End up back with other woman and affair gets disclosed yet again. All because my wife lost her desire to give me ( and herself ) pleasure. I would often toss myself off whilst she was using a vibrator. In an awful place now.

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