It Begins Again…

It seems that the “not wanting to have sex” is a type of cycle. After the kids go to bed, lights are off and we are in the room I’m looking to make love to my wife. Now, after this long she knows this. She knows I look forward to it on the weekends. So, she waits “doesnt think about it” until right before I’m ready to start my approach. Shot down again. I told her when I was working away from home and only there on the weekends things were great. I also mentioned that when we did make love more often that we fought less and if we did it was very minor and over in a few minutes. So, what that tell us kids? Get laid more and your happier!


~ by Frustrated Hubby on August 23, 2010.

2 Responses to “It Begins Again…”

  1. Try looking up what each others “love language” is.

    Words of Affirmation

    Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.
    Quality Time

    In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.
    Receiving Gifts

    Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.
    Acts of Service

    Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.
    Physical Touch

    This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

    I can tell you that for a lot of guys it’s touch. We respond to it. Also, wives for the most part, not all of them or all of the time think we don’t need what they do. That we don’t need to hear a nice word. That we don’t need to “feel loved” the way they do. We do! It’s a big part to marriage. You made the choice to be with her and want to have the greatest sex and emotional relationship with her as possible. Yet, it seems so distant. People will tell you to be there for her, do this for her, do that for her. But what about you? We went through counseling and it seemed that everything I could do for her and a lot of understanding of what she could do for me. It didn’t always seem fair. Find out what her language is and try to fill it. Notice I said try. It wont be easy and your not always going to do it. It’s easy to fall back into old habits.

    I also noticed this circle of low self loathing that I had to try and snap my wife out of. After having 2 kids she has a wonderful body. Her breasts were a B cup when we met and are now a full DD, Whoo Hoo for me. Yet, all that she sees is her belly that has grown out in front. Yes, its there, yes I would like to see it smaller, she looks a few months preggo. Yet, it wont stop me from loving who she is, I still love her despite that. Yet, thats all she sees. She hates it, yet does nothing to change it. She doesnt have the will power to stop eating what she does. She doesn’t have the will power to go to the gym etc. I’ve also realized its not something I or you can give to them, it has to come from within. So, because she doesnt like the way she looks she’ll wear unflattering clothes or not want to make love often. This then feeds back into the cycle and it continues. We were are a large shoe store and I wanted her to get some sexy heels. She was refusing until I convinced her of this cycle. I bought 3 sexy tall heels that day and she has worn them out side and in the bedroom. I asked her the first time she wore them out in public if she “felt” sexy. Yes, was my answer. This then started to change that cycle even if for a bit. If she feels sexy then she’ll feel good about herself, that will give her motivation to……see where this is going.

    There is no easy answer my friend. I do commend you that you bought a Fleshlight as it shows you do love her and arent willing to seek out from her what you want with someone else. I can say is sit down with her. Explain your feelings in detail and listen to her back. You need to talk to her as much as possible about how you feel. Say little or be silent and it will continue. Find out what it is with her and see what you can do to help. Hell, I’ve straight up offered to do chores for sex “Will Work for Sex” sometimes it’s worked and been fun. She thinks it’s funny that I’m willing to do X in order to get some lovin. I could go on all morning. But talk to her and also listen to what she say. She should do the same for you as well.

    Good luck and let me know how it goes..

  2. I am not having sex with my wife for the last 4 months, reason? Kidz work her unfitness take everithing away.
    Got a flashlight. I am fucking sad. 26 good looking and getting off with a flash light.
    Very sad!!!!

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