We All Have a Trigger..Right?

There is something inherit to all of us. A trigger that will get you all hot and bothered, horny, ready to bump uglies what ever you might call it. Mine is when I get kissed, slightly bit on the neck and ears, my other spot is I like for my nips to be licked and sucked. I used to take pride, it was even a game to me to try and find out what it was with the girl I was with at the time. Once I knew what it was I could easily use it to get this other person horny at will. I used to love to get someone horny in a place where they wouldnt expect it, say walking through the mall (if it was a kiss or slight nibble of the neck). This would get them horny but they were constrained by society and moral laws. My wife, even after 12 years is still a mystery to me. One thing will work once or twice but not every time. I ask her and she tells me do this….I do that and get a good reaction then. I do the same thing next time and nothing, or even a push away. Why does that happen?

I would love to know what some of your triggers or that one button is?


~ by Frustrated Hubby on May 9, 2010.

11 Responses to “We All Have a Trigger..Right?”

  1. It sounds like she’s a lot like my wife, she’s fickle. What’s a trigger once, may or may not be the trigger the next time. Weeks/months later, it’ll be the right one again. I don’t understand it, but that’s the way she’s always been. I’ll bet it’s not just sex that your wife is fickle about. If you look at every aspect, I’m sure you’ll find that her preference for restaurants, foods, movies, etc. changes regularly and cycles from one preference to another. I wish I had an answer on how to adjust for a fickle partner, but after 30+ years of marriage, I still have to try to figure out what she likes from one time to the next or just outright ask. The one great thing about her being fickle is that even though the frequency is much less often, at one time or another, she becomes interested in some of the more adventurous activities.

  2. I’ve been doing a little extra this, a little extra that and more. In order to really understand I would suggest you read some of my previous postings. You’ll get a clearer picture. I also don’t hold what happened to her against her. It’s made her who she is.

    Her sexuality has been destroyed. She’s told counselors and me that if she never had sex again that would be fine with her. She has no drive.

    She feels she’s overweight, thus this makes her feel unattractive and also feeds into the depression, of which she is already taking meds btw.

    Yet, she’ll pick up an entire cake and eat the whole thing in a week. Should she? Not if she doesn’t like her weight or self image. Can I change that? Nope. Have I tried? Yes.

    There are a TON of things that she doesn’t like about herself. There is no amount of encouragement, hand holding, being more sensitive or anything that is going to change that. I’ve tried and it just gets me frustrated.

    I work a full-time job, I do freelance work for clients and I’m launching my own tech start-up. I do all of this because I feel I have to. I am the only one that will insure that my family has what it needs. Thus, the feeling that she is just going along for the ride. I can worry about her, but I’m not going to babysit or coddle her. She is a 38 year old woman, a mother and a wife. She needs to step up to the plate and start acting like them.

    Our two sons, 7 and 3 are being shown that this is how a mother and woman is supposed to act. Not very loving, doesn’t show love, doesn’t take care of the house except when people are coming over and more. She is their role model and that scares me. Life has tossed some crap at her and we have been through crap together as husband and wife. Yet, I feel I don’t have the ability to make choices. I can’t emotionally check-out. I can’t just say fuck it and do whatever. To many people rely on me. I would like to rely on my wife, know that her job is to take care of not only our kids but the home as well. She choose to stay home, so that’s her job now. And, yes, it’s one that is more then 40 hours a week, with no holidays or sick days really.

    Now don’t take me as some pig of a guy where a woman’s place is in the kitchen etc. I’m NOT like that by any means. I think it should be 50/50. But, when the 50 isnt being done when it can be then there’s an issue.

    I married her because I feel in love with her. Honestly who I married and who she is now are two totally different people. Her diagnosis of FBM was like a que to pin everything on that and give an excuse to check-out.

    So, I’ll continue on the path that I’m on as I feel I have to, I don’t have a choice. I love her dearly and wish for anything that she could stop being the victim to everything and fight. Fight back against the FBM, fight back against the feelings she was left with after being molested by her father. Fight back against the way the previous boyfriends made her feel by just using her as a fuck toy. I wish all of this would change, not for me but honestly for herself. I honestly think inside she would be a happier person. She would enjoy life more and look forward to the future. Right now she can’t see past a few months. She has thoughts of suicide, but none of hurting the kids. I’ve told her my concerns, that I go to the office and come home to some horror scene. That I no longer have a family.

    So, can I change / fix her? Nope, I can just be there and mitigate what happens. She has to want something different for her life and right now, she seems to be somewhere I can’t do anything to get her out. So, she has to want it to change.

  3. Deep down she is emotionally unhappy and after 14 years of trying there is nothing I can do to change that. My wife is a product of her fathers molestation, boyfriends using her as a toy, her time as a stripper looking for the attention of men etc.

    I started this blog because I felt that there was something wrong with me. I had been able to excite everyone woman previous to my wife, no issues. I then cam to realize that the frustration I was feeling was being wasted, it wasn’t going to change the situation and I also came to realize that I can’t always fix things that are broken. She has to figure out how to do that on her own.

    She doesn’t really know how to show love. I just hope this doesn’t carry over to our sons. Her Fibromialga (SP), the constant pain, the depression that comes with it and I just realize I can’t pull her through it kicking and screaming. SHE has to want something different. SHE has to get to a place and not want to feel like the victim. I can be there but I can’t do it for her. Will this ever happen? I hope to god so. I think she would be a happier person, within her own skin. This would then reflect to everyone around her. As of right now I feel like in life I’m leaving her behind and she’s just tagging along for the ride.

    • Hopefully being a lil’ extra sensitive might help (I said hopefully because youcan only be hopeful, not sure). Women like sensitivity being shown towards them (Ref: I am a woman ) As far as fibromyalgia goes, well that could be the main culprit, she must be feeling down, depressed and under,not to mention completely unattractive . Give her flowers, speak kind/ nice words to her evenif it is a few. You may get a surprise Ina few days and if thtdoesnt work,talk it out clearly . You may stillbe surprised.

  4. It could be that she is emotionally unhappy and believe me , in marriage women cannot compartmentalize the bedroom from the living room. This leads to unhappiness onevery level. In other words make her happy outside the boudoir . I am facing the same problem and the only difference is that i am the one who is frustrated and also unhappy. May be she is just as crazy as you are about the physical issue but the emotional cause is what is holding her back

  5. him smelling good, walking behind me, brushing up against me and walking away makes me want to commit all types of secret sins with him…

  6. While your answer is coming from just reading one of the posts you would really need to go through the blog and read the history of why being stressed isnt really the case.

    But thank you for the input.

  7. Hi, from female 38. I would say she is stressed or feeling like HER needs arn’t being met or understood by you. Plus,feeling 100% supported is an aphrodisiac for most women. If you’re in tune with us, we are more apt to be in tune with you.
    Take me for example… my B-friend of 10 years STILL doesn’t want to get married. He’ll say he does to win me back and have me quit a 6 figure a year job so we can be together. However, now when I bring the subject up it always turns into an argument. I’m tired of wanting something with him that he doesn’t want with me. This is a huge source of conflict. My needs arn’t being met.
    So,here’s the deal, I love him, I love him dearly, but he is the last person on the planet I desire or want to have sex with… and I’m sexually frustrated. I want to have sex… just not with him. Ugh! So now what do I do?

  8. may b she like surprises that’s wat gets her excited

  9. Well I’m a man so just about anything gets me going, breathing? But am curious to see what the ladies say.

  10. Sorry to say, but when you get a little older, nothing works every single time.

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