Forward, Stop, Rewind, Repeat

Well, its happened over a very small amount of time. I got the same wife I had before back. The reason is that I asked my wife not to act as this new person but to truly be this new person. Woudlnt you want the same? Well, in saying this a little time has past and yep, she has returned to sex and her sexuality as being something to not be discussed or done. I know that at times she tosses me a bone just for the sake of “doing the duty” not enjoying it but just being there. Her not working now has also made her feel different, as if she isnt contributing to the household. At this point I just want life to be simple. I want things to run very smoothly.

The Birthday..
I just turned 39. Well a day or so before I was asked “I know what you would like?” What?” I asked. She then makes a pictionary motion of the top of stockings, my fetish. “Hell yes!” Was my answer. Now, I dont know about the rest of the guys but wouldnt this lead you to think that this was going to be given to you later that evening? I mean why mention it in the first place? To see a reaction? I’m sure you’ve guessed it by now. Uhhhh NOPE. No stockings. Just by the asking of the question/statement was leading me on. It’s cruel to then shoot me down later that night. Why? Why is this constantly done?

This will piss you off right then. But I’ve come to expect little situations like this. Not to get to excited about them so there isnt a let down some time later. I feel like a puppet and sex are the ropes that bind me.

Once again, I’m not upset. I dont bother with it anymore. Still frustrated and I guess thats the life I’m destine to live.


~ by Frustrated Hubby on January 18, 2010.

3 Responses to “Forward, Stop, Rewind, Repeat”

  1. Is your wife in therapy? Those kinds of experiences could take years of individual therapy to come to terms with. The first sounds very tramatic and devastating and also very painfull.

  2. Stevo,

    I’m glad that my blog at least lets you know that there is someone else out there going through the same thing. What I’ve learned is that the situation had and has NOTHING to do with me, or the kids, or anything else external to my wife. It has EVERYTHING to do with her, herself. I havent had an affair but have had conversations with women that make you feel good, a moth to a flame. The affair will fill you up as far as sex but not anything deeper really.

    Have you done any research? Learned about the 5 love languages? I know, sounds corny but if its just something to help out then why not right. The other thing is communication with your wife big time. Really sit down and talk to her, then let her talk to you. There is something else there, you just have to find out what.

    I have had a number of woman come here to read a “husbands point of view” before and said that it had enlightened them even just a little.

    As I was writing this my wife called. I read your comment and she said, “he needs to talk to her honestly. That maybe the fear of an affair will wake her up.” I had the same conversation with my wife and it didnt do anything for mine, when she realized I in fact was talking, just talking mind you to two other women things somewhat changed.

    I told my wife that she is teaching our boys about love. What they see at 5 and 2 of how a woman loves a man back. How he is treated etc. I then asked her a question that shook her up. “Would you want one of your boys to bring a woman like you home to meet you?” She started to cry and said no. Change is hard and it wont come overnight. YOUR NOT GOING TO CHANGE HER, she has to want to do it for herself.

    Talk, then listen, really listen and read between the lines. If she’s gained a little weight then that can mean she doesnt like the way she looks naked, thus she wont get naked in front of you. The lack of sex an emotional connection is not the root of the problem but a side effect. Find the root but dont try and fix it. You wont be able to, only she can if she wants. You just have to make her totally aware of what you want, what your not getting and what she stands to lose if a change isnt made.

    My wife was molested by her father and just used for sex by subsequent boyfriends; there are deeper issues that even after being together for 12 years, married for 7 wont change or fix. Thats why I choose to “just live with it”. My wifes lack of sexual enjoyment and closeness is a byproduct of a series of events she at the time couldnt control and that I have to deal with. So, to hold her accountable really isnt fair, thus the willingness to “just live with it” comes in. I am willing to work with her and it will take time. After all, thats what I said I was willing to do right..

    “For better or for worse”

    Please let me know how it goes. if I can be of any help or just a place for you to vent let me know. It does help. I could set you up with an account and let you post away yourself and “vent”

  3. I have been looking for an outlet to “vent” about some of the same problems you have discussed on your blog. I feel some of the same things, although, for me, it seems on a more regular basis. However, I am not glad to know that there are others in my same situation. I truly love my wife of almost 20 years. Having said that, I am seriously considering an extra-marital affair at this point. I did say considering it because I have not made up my mind yet. Hopefully, I will find other ways to resolve what is missing in my marriage. Frustration does not even begin to describe what I feel when one let-down leads to another. Promises from my wife are always (read: ALWAYS) broken due to almost anything. Kids having homework that takes longer than expected; “not feeling well”; “falling” asleep early. At this point, it is so hard to get excited about any kind of plans for sex with my wife because I know it will turn into a let-down, that I try to ignore her when she says things like “tonight”, “later”, or “in the morning”. There is one thing you said on your blog that I am determined not to do, though. That is: live with it. That is the only outcome that is unacceptable to me. I am 43, in very good physical shape and nowhere near being over the hill in bed, or life. Long story-short: too young to be unhappy. Will find a way to fix this, hopefully within the boundaries of my marriage. Will absolutely, positively NOT resign to “live with it”.

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