How Far Things Have Come…


I know, its been a long time, a very long time. I haven’t posted because I havent been frustrated or upset. The reason..

I had to take care of my family and in doing so moved 250 miles away to Miami of all places. I got a studio apartment in a high-rise building on the 54th floor overlooking the city. I would drive home every Friday and return to my apartment on Sunday for the next work week. As most of you could imagine this was very difficult on me I think more so then my family. I would arrive home on Friday evening to the wife coming out of the house with a big smile and kids rushing out to meet me; it was great. The part that sucked was on Sunday, I would get in my car, pull out of the drive way only to see my 4 year old son chase me down the street until he couldn’t keep up, then turn and bow his head in loss and disappointment. In seeing this in my rear-view mirror I called my wife crying like a child; this killed me to my soul. But, it was something I HAD to do and hated it.

A Future Thought,
I had to think somewhere that with me leaving all the time my 4 yr old son was getting messed up mentally and emotionally. The thought of him being messed up somewhere down the road once again was a guilt I was carrying daily, yet knowing it was something I had to do. I expressed this to my wife and she started to feel the same way. Although she was busy taking care of the kids, house and working full time she really didnt have time to think about it like I did in the evenings by myself watching a movie or surfing the web.

Labor Day Weekend…
My wife came down to Miami with the kids for the weekend. It was nice, I went back in the office the next Tue. While I was here on my own I acquired 2 female friends that were no where near me and if they were nothing would have happened. Anyways, there were emails and some text messages etc..you can see where this is going. I get home on and I get “Do you want a divorce? HUH? I didnt know where that had come from. I explained everything, to me words are words and thats it…to her it was different. Was it not a good thing, yes. Did I see it as cheating no. Anyways, lets move on.

We had a long drawn out talk about most of the stuff I’ve posted here. I asked her one fundamental question though. “Would you want your sons to bring home a woman like you?” Her answer was NO. I told her that she is showing them what a woman, not just a mother or wife should act like. but a woman. That they would not knowing it seek out someone that had qualities just like her. The next few days were rough but there was a very sudden and drastic change.

The Change…
In the matter of really 24 hours my wife became a different woman. Someone that I didnt think was real and that it was all a short lived lie to be eroded over time. I also wanted her to make this change not for me, the kids but for herself. I also think that reading emails from other woman that stated that “your wife doesnt know what she has” “Your a great husband and father…” etc. Kind of turned things around as well. Knowing that there were others that would love to have me I guess you could say opened her eyes a little more. Sex was poured on, just not that though, but she was acting like I needed her to act. Simply, she was loving and not the cold, always thinking of the worst and always very serious person she had been. To say the least I was an still am astounded! How was it so easy? Was it an act? Is it still? I dont know but I’ll take it. I just dont understand why it was so easy and why it has been such a fight for all of these years? Why did it have to be that way? Why did it take almost losing me, and seeing herself brought home by one of her sons to wake her up?

3 Weeks and Counting……
Well, my family has been with me in the same building but I’ve upgraded to a 2bd/2ba with a den apartment still on the 54th floor. She stays home and takes care of the kids while I go out and make a living. I have to admit she hasn’t changed. Things are great. Of course there are days when things seem like they have gone back to the way they used to be and I say..”great, she’s back..” I dont know if this change will last or fade over time. I hope it doesnt. We are raising not raising little kids, but future men. Men that will find women to love, kids to make and raise on their own. We not only owe it to ourselves but to them and their future families if they so choose. It’s a very powerful thing when you really sit down and think about it.

The Future….
I’ll keep posting but not out of anger or frustration, but out of my wanting to in some way help others, as I’ve been told this blog has been able to do. To allow people to not feel alone if they are going through the same things; I’ve been there.

Just remember..  When it seems the blackest there is color. Black is made up of every color; tone them down a bit and they each will shine through.

I will be here if you need me. Ask any question good or bad. I will answer…

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~ by Frustrated Hubby on November 21, 2009.

3 Responses to “How Far Things Have Come…”

  1. Yeah, well as I expected the change was short lived. This could be due to the reason that I asked her not to fake who she was to make me happy. For her to want to make the change for who she is, for who her sons see as an example of a woman. It didnt matter. Everything is back as the way it was and always will be. All the talking in the world, counseling or anything else doesnt matter.

    The part that saddens me is that I love her but dont always love who she is. She doesnt walk through life pissed off at the world, thanks to medication. Yet her abuse at the hand of her father completely destroyed who she could have become.

    Will things ever change? No I dont expect them to. I have to wonderful sons, a wife that I love but will always be unhappy with in the area of sex and her sexuality. Being sexual is who I am; I was born like this. I’ve had girl friends in the past that could keep right up with my appetite. I’ll continue to look at porn as its my only outlet for what I seek. It isnt the person in the video, its what they are doing or wearing; wishing it was my wife that would embrace only some aspect of being sexual. I dont want a porn star, thats not reality. A wife that enjoys her own body, mine and the whole experience.

    oh well…

  2. Glad to see that it turned around for you. I understand what you mean when you say that it took her losing you to appreciate you. My wife of 8 years has been a good mom but a tired wife since the kids have come. It has been almost 4 years of sleepless nights for both of us and a lot of frustrated evenings with me hard and her asleep on the couch. I finally just blew up and told her that I needed my wife back and she has changed. It was like a light went on in her head, and things have been better since.

  3. Great to hear your update. Glad things are looking ok for you.

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