It’s Been Awhile..

Where have I been you might ask? Been busy, started with a new company. Lots of wok and great money. Feels nice to be valued again. To feel as if you have something people want. It’s a great feeling to have members o a team say how excited they are to have you on their team. I’m working on a project with a $1MM budget and a great deal hinges on what I design. It’s a lot of pressure to meet up to their expectations but feels great when I exceed them. So, on the work front, after months of being unemployed; it feels great.

My new son is now 2 months old and BIG! He’s starting to interact with me more, feeling better about that. The last time I had my daughter, who’s 11. I let her know that I wasn’t going to force her to come over. If she wanted to hang with friends for something, feel free. This as her daddy was VERY difficult to say. But, I was putting my needs aside and giving her the option to make choices. She said she still wanted to come over every other weekend. This was cool; yet it didnt happen the very next weekend. It’s been around a month or a little longer since I or the rest of my family have seen her. I miss her terribly.

My Wife…
Well, what should I say. That some great change has happened? I wish but, it’s not going to happen. We went back to counseling, the new counselor asks me why we are there. I explain that I have somethings to work on, to better myself. I take full ownership of why I’m there. She looks at my wife and asks the same question. Her response was somewhere along the lines of “he doesnt, if he would, he if could….” see where this is going. I was about ready to come out of the chair with a WTF!? She totally skipped about the real reason we are there.

The fact that her father did something to her that scared her for life, changed who she was then and is now and how she can’t stop beating herself up and those around her that love her and learn to deal with the situation.

That one event and the other ass holes that have been in her life have caused her to be who she is. She can’t get passed that. She says I gave her the strength to say “no” and I’m glad, really I am that she has been able to find that within her. Yet, you guessed it. It gets used on me all the time. So, I pay for their sins, DAILY.

I’m tired. Tired of going through this life feeling like an outsider to my wife. I’ve seen the “other person” on the inside when she’s had a few drinks, happy, loves life, smiles, has fun, enjoys sex (imagine that). After 10 years I’m emotionally drained. I barely have enough for myself. Yet, because I have seen this other person. I guess I’ll contnue to beat my head against the wall hopping she’ll come out. If it were not for having kids, I dont know if I would have stuck it out this long.

Anyways, I’ll try and post up more freqently….


~ by Frustrated Hubby on August 21, 2008.

2 Responses to “It’s Been Awhile..”

  1. […] by others Inspired by others that have recently returned to posting, I am back after a 6 month break (I hope some others are […]

  2. Glad your back posting.

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