From Within…Happiness

I might have mentioned this before; that being happy comes from within you. Yes, you can have a lot of money but does that really make you happy? It might make things more comfortable, but does it bring happiness?

I say this because after 10 years of being with my wife. I’ve realized that there is nothing in the world I can do to empart, instill or interhect happiness within my wife. That light it seems was extinguised long ago by her father who molested her. What was replaced was emptiness and guilt. Something that I thought I could give her strength to overcome. Something that, through me being a strong emotional person she could use to move forward to bring that light back within her.

To me my wife really doesnt know who she is. She lives a daily life with a vail of someone who’s been damaged. I thought that with counseling she would start to move forward. She hasn’t. It’s easier to be who you know, then try and find who you really are.

I know now that my wife doesnt really have the ability to show love unconditionaly. Conditions were placed on her for what she thought was love from a demented father. She does the same to others. My fear is that our sons will start to pick up on this. That in some way as they get older and conditions start to change that they will start to feel the way I do; not being able to make mom happy no matter what really.

I live life happy most of the time. I too have worries about raising future men. How much of an influence can I have over how my 11 year old daughter is raised by her mother and step father. For what I say to her mother carries no weight at all.

The fights with my wife have prety much gone away and I think in part becuase I’ve given up. I’ve resolved that I can’t focus my life on trying to make hers happy. That I can’t live on a daily basis in the negative.

Funny, I dont really know how to end this post…


~ by Frustrated Hubby on July 16, 2008.

6 Responses to “From Within…Happiness”

  1. hmmmmm, I guess if you love someone you should stick by their side but you can only do so much to let that person KNOW that you love them, I have never been in that situation, so I can’t say I understand her being the way she is, but there does come a time when you have to wake-up and realize what you have in your family before it’s too late. Once you are pushed away so many times you eventually stop coming back! Sorry, just my opinion…

  2. There’s some hope. I think good steady love may over time break down some of the resistance. We’re pulling for you…

  3. It’s been awhile since I checked in here. Congratulations on the birth of your new baby boy.

    It took me a long time to come to the same realization. No one else can make me happy. Like you, I’m happy most of the time. Life is not perfect, but it’s happy. I have two healthy babies, and a husband who thinks me being here for them and raising them is more important than me working outside the home at a full time job.

    I hope someday, your wife is able to be truly happy.

  4. It’s hard to read this post, because I see both sides of the issue. I feel for you because I know what you and the kids are feeling having a wife and mother who has not figured out that her worth is sufficient and not dependent on how well she performs or whether she’s a “good little girl” or not. I know that it’s especially hard on you guys as her family to wait for her to grow up. But, I’ve been her before and I know it took time and continual unconditional love from my hubby and kids to help me grow up. I didn’t trust their unconditional love, because I’d never experienced it before. I kept expecting that they’d “take” it away soon if I didn’t measure up. I can only hope and pray that eventually she realizes that you guys love her no matter what and that that knowledge will free her to be herself. I love you guys and think of you all the time!

  5. Thank you Michelle for taking the time to read my long post and make the comment. It’s difficult to see and feel helpless really. The thing now is you wonder when. When will this person start to enjoy life and what it has to offer and not always look at the negative.

  6. You’re 100% correct that happiness comes from within…so does contentment. If one is not happy nor content being comfortable in their “own skin”…they will continually be looking “outward” for that deficiency that’s within themselves. They will be looking “outward” for something/someone else to MAKE them happy. Sorry…but this just will not work!

    Prior to me marrying my hubby, I was satisfied with my life. It would also be inaccurate in saying that I “needed” him to MAKE me happy. I was content, happy, satisfied with my life…just as he was with his own life.

    However, once I met him…I began to see things in a new light. Two are better than one! Of course, each “one” first needed to be content the way their lives were to that point.

    Since we’re married, it’s easy to see that he has strengths that I don’t and I have strenghts that he does not…and vice versa. There is a completeness when you come together in this manner.

    Our relationship began by building a “foundation”. The foundation is as important to building the relationship as it is to building a house. The “foundation” is NOT where you live, but it’s what you build UPON! “Foundations” need to be built with purpose…sturdy and strong.

    Too often, people rush past this part of the building of their relationships. I’m very graetful for the way things turned out for us…each day is as a special “gift”. We, still, are constantly learning about one another.


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