Spanking.. “This will hurt me more then it will you.”

I never understood that statement as a kid; I do as a daddy though.

We were over at the neighbors house right next door to ours for a dinner. There were other people there as well, myself, my wife, our 3 year old son and my 11 year old daughter. The neighbor left the front door and back door wide open so if anyone else showed up, they could just walk right in.

After being there for a bit my wife asked where our son was. I asked the 11 year old to see if he had gone outside and to please bring him back in. After a minute or two I walk outside to see my son running away from his sister and half-way down the street.

I proceed to yell at him to stop and to come back to me. He gets to me and I let him know he just bought a spanking for running down the street, something he knows he isn’t supposed to do without Mommy or Daddy. I take him into his bedroom, pull his underwear and pants down, bend him over my knee and give him 3 swats with my hand. Enough to make him feel it but not send him into next week. It was the act and a little pain, not the act and beating him that I was going after. My wife then comes in his bedroom as our house if you remember is right next door, she’s PISSED OFF!.

She jumps all over me infront of him for giving him a spanking. She said he wouldn’t know what he was getting it for. My theory, he does know right from wrong and has demonstrated it a number of different times to us. So, he knew this time and made the choice to run down the street without us.

I get angry for getting jumped on and leave the room. I return within a few minutes. He’s done crying, I wipe some tears and sit on the floor. I get at his level and go over why I spanked him, that I love him and that he needed to say sorry for running off, this he did.

I’m not saying that I’m a better person or anything for what I did. I feel horrible that it had to be done in the first place. In my mind he has to know that there are concequenses for his actions. Remember, I feel I’m raising a future man, husband, brother and hopefully a good person.

So, a day later things were fine. I now understand when my father said “This is going to hurt me more then hurt you” for those lessons learn. Thank You Papi.


~ by Frustrated Hubby on May 7, 2008.

8 Responses to “Spanking.. “This will hurt me more then it will you.””

  1. Interesting, this topic has become one of discussion. I’m not raising a child, I’m raising a future man. You have to admit that kids will test the limits. They do this to find out where the boundaries are.

    My 3 year old knows right from wrong. He has demonstrated it clearly. Example, he spilled some rice on the table. We asked that he “please put it on his plate.” This is after he had eaten. He proceeds to look right at us and in one motion, swipes the rice onto the floor. He knew what he was doing. We have told him about food going on the floor. He openly defied what was asked. Was he spanked for this. Of course not. I sat on the floor next to him and had him pick up each piece of rice. It was done, I gave him a hug and that was it.

    There are so many parents that want to be the “nice” guy. I want to be mid kids friend and they will respect me for not giving them a swat. I have seen this attitude first hand with a teenager and how it has failed. Take this away, take that away, do time out. BIG DEAL. It didn’t bother me as a kid. What I did know beyond any doubt is where the lines were and if I decided to cross them what may happen. This sense of, yes you could say fear of what might happen kept me in-line when needed.

    I was curious if I had handled the situation correctly. If there was something for me to learn about how to handle it better. In the last counseling session I explained the entire incident in great detail. How he got the spanking. How my wife got upset at me. How I left the room for 30 seconds, came back in sat on the floor. Hugged my son and explained why he got the spanking, I expressed that I loved him. I just didn’t leave the spanking open ended. I closed the loop. He was fine and playing within a few minutes. Is he scared for life and will need to see a shrink from one spanking? I highly doubt it.

    The councilor agreed with my approach, stated that I was a great parent for acting the way that I had and that she, a person of the church would have acted the same way.

    So, will I or have I lost sleep about it? No and neither has he. Yet, he does know if he runs down he street that there will be a consequence for his actions.

    I was also praised that my whistle caused him to stop in his tracks and come back to me. More then one parent has told me the stories of having to chase down their children in the park etc. A whistle is only needed in extreme cases, yet he knows to stop. This has been accomplish without any hand being placed on him BTW.

    You might be wondering do I have any ownership in his actions. Yes, I do. Both my wife and myself should have paid closer attention to him and where he was. I’ll take ownership of that and acknowledge that.

    So, do I feel justified? Yes, will I do it again if needed? Yes. Will I hug my son and tell him that I love him and what he did was wrong? Yes.

    If I’m seen as wrong, then so be it. I don’t beat him. A spanking to show him the magnitude of “Don’t run down the street!” yes.

  2. My god!! Are you people raising Pavlov’s dog or children? What is this teaching them?

    FH & Alicia – you say you have suffered no long term problems from being spanked…….except you think it is ok to hit small children.

    “children, down deep, are reassured when a clear line is drawn between right and wrong” – there is no reassurance when the line leaves a physical mark. There is no such thing as tough love, only emotionally unavailable parents who are scared of losing control and sorry for their own failings.

  3. What’s that old saying, “Spare the rod, spoil the child”? I was spanked as a child, and far as I know, I didn’t suffer from it. I have yet to have to spank my son, but he has felt a swat. Especially when he takes off running across the street or away from me in a parking lot. Something that could get him hurt. That’s when I do it. If a swat or spanking is not necessary, I will sit him down and talk to him.

  4. I believe that spanking at that moment was EXACTLY the thing that chld needed. He had put his life in danger by running down the street alone, and the spank functioned as a wake-up-call toshock him into realizing the seriousness of this. I feel a spanking immediately after an act whereby the child endangers his own life or that of others is warranted as a way to get him to associate in his mind that action with a bit of fear, and, yes, maybe a bit of pain (but mostly the shock-value), and with having upset and disappointed Daddy. This is a GOOD thing.
    Having said that, I do feel that spanking loses effectiveness if over-used, and that it must be done immediately after the action or not at all. It should also be followed, once things have calmed down, by a loving explanation of why exactly it was done and assurances that he is not loved less as a result. I truly believe that a spank in time is sometimes necessary, and this was one of those cases.
    The child did indeed know exactly what he was doing. We mustn’t underestimate the intelligence of a three-year-old. He chose to follow his impulses and needed a sharp reminder when he went too far with those impulses. I also agree that children, down deep, are reassured when a clear line is drawn between right and wrong, and when “wrong” is followed by concictent consequences.

  5. Let me just add, jumping your case was not my intentions. Think I how felt walking in to the situation I knew nothing and my son is crying and calling for me. My mommy emotions took over. I was not sure that our son truly understood he was not to run half way down the street. By his answers to your questions, he did not fully understand that what he did was wrong.

    I also felt it was partially our fault. One of us should have checked on him and not sent his sister. He will in no way listen to her and return to the house at her requests, hince the reason he probably ran. Then she may have even ran after him, and now it is a game to him.

    Ask him today if he is aloud to ran down the street by himself and he may answer yes. In my opinion he doesn’t fully understand everything yet.

  6. Tobeconfirmed,

    While I do understand your point of view and respect it. To me there are certain things that he needs to understand and on those I am not looking for his respect but full understanding. I can not always be the “nice” parent. Sometimes, you have to be the bad guy.

    I was spanked as a child and I have no long term issues because of it. I knew exactly what I was doing. You see in the news all the time, at least here in the US that this 15 year old did this, or that 10 year old did X. Maybe if a parent would have been a little harder on them they might not have gone down the same road, yes due to fear of what mom or dad might do to me, AND, for the fact of not wanting to disappoint them.

    I have seen the parent that wants to be the “friend” and in the cases I’ve seen it isn’t always the best path to take. Kids want to know limits and taking something away just doesn’t always cut it.

  7. It makes no sense to punish a child by physically hurting them. He’s 3 – he may not understand everything that he is told, but he has to learn through repetition of boundaries and consequences that make sense to him (no TV, favourite toy confiscated, no story at bed time) not through an act that hurts him. I am all for discipline and instilling good values in my children, but punishing them by having the person they love most beating on them? Do you want him to respect you or fear you?

  8. I was very blessed with my children in that I rarely had to raise my voice with them; not even close to ever having to spank them.

    But I do feel for you, as I know how lousy I often felt when I did need to be “tough” with my kids. It hurt.

    [And yes, I occasionally got seriously criticized by my wife. Not good.]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: