Life..Sometimes it’s a bitch.

Things have been rough here at home all the way around; allow me to explain. My career and skill set are those of a web designer and graphics guy. I’ve been doing it for over 10 years. My average salary is over 50K. Well, the last few years have been very difficult in me keeping a position at a company. Most of the companies I work for, even if a large corporation is doing work for internal departments. My wife on the other hand does accounting type work. She’s been at only a few companies and for years.  I on the other hand am unemployed yet once again and this adds to the stress already in the house.

I know this isnt easy on her; she pays the bills. I hate it as well. As a man you start to wonder if you made the right career choice. You start to doubt your own abilities. You start to question a lot of things. One thing I haven’t questioned is my love for my wife. I havent always been happy, upset and frustrated. Yet, I’ve always loved her. What hurts is she doesnt feel the same. Her love for me as I have asked in a recent discussion with her, has dimished due to “life” events.

Why? Was it ever really there in the first place? Does my wife really know how to truly love someone; even though she may not love herself?

So, I watch our young son during the week, saving on day care. I spent countless hours on the job sites looking for just not a position in my skill set but almost anywhere. I’ve even looked at positions out of the state; looking to travel home on the weekends. This is frustrating for both of us. I’ve even thought about going to Firefighter schooling and becoming a firefighter. I do like the idea of the position and feel empathy for people when needed. We’ll see. It’s just hard to seem like I would be starting from scratch at 37.

We’ll see what happens. Having gone on 4 different interviews, something has to come out of them.


~ by Frustrated Hubby on March 9, 2008.

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