I am woman, Hear me ROAR!!

I wanted to post about my wife finding her inner voice. I was recently returning a comment and realized what I was saying deserved it’s own post. As some of you may not know my wife was molested by her father and then used as a toy by many of the boy friends she had after that in her life. These instances as you can image fundamentally change who you are as a person. They destroy you inside. It takes years and maybe a lifetime to work past it if you can.

My wife when we first met was very sexual. Taking nude pictures, wearing stockings etc. All at my request. I’m a very sexual guy, more then most. Lets just say that I’m freaky when it comes to the sex department. Now that we have a basis…

My wife was acting this way with me, as she was still in the “give him what he wants” mode. She felt she had to do this in order to please the man she was with. I thought this is who she was and loved it. It really wasn’t. Over time of dating and I think in some cases of trying to push me away to see if I would go; I still stood fast. The sex started to drop off in frequency.

She Found Her Inner Voice
My wife realized that  was still here. She says she found the strength within her self from me to be able to say no, granted I would get frustrated but she still found that voice. She was able to regain some of who she way as a person. To not have to sacrifice her body  at an emotional expense just to please me. I wasnt going anywhere. This voice ot stronger and became a roar! Not directly at me but all of those before me. By writing this alone I can see that. Yet, while they go on about their lives. I carry their cross as well. It’s my shoulders that burden with the weight of what they have done in the past. I’m the one who gets told no weeks on end and gets frustrated. I too get PMS, my wife calls it (Pussy Missing Syndrome) All men get it. It’s like working in a candy shop all day long and your told you can’t eat ANY of it. Not the fact that you’ve had your fill and your just dont want anymore. It’s that you CAN’T. Dont take this as me being mad. I have come to understand my wife and where she comes from very well over the past, almost 10 years. I’m pissed at her father and the guys before me.

The hard part though is that the experiences that my wife went through defined her. She is the only person that keeps that cross on me and keeps what she went through alive. Things could be so much different. It will take for her to make it different.

Interestingly though. give my wife a few drinks and she’s a totally different person. Happy, not so guarded. Not so closed. I’ve seen the person she can be in there. I’m willing to hang around and work to get her out.


~ by Frustrated Hubby on February 15, 2008.

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