Whats Up?

It’s been very busy around here. I’ve been busy working on a contract Instructional Design position from home. It’s ok for $25/hr but you miss working with people. or at least I do. You start to realize that you get up at 9am check email, the next thing you know it’s 2pm and your still sitting there in your underwear. Ugghhh. You start to feel weird, that this isnt the way things are supposed to be. I’ve gotten more of a schedule now is its getting better.

I’ve also been very busy working on putting together the largest all European auto show and track event at Sebring Raceway here in Florida. VW is on board as a sponsor. Universal Studios, another should give us the word by the end of the week. You can see what thats all about here, http://www.gforcemotorworks.com

Yeah ok, but whats up at home?
That is just there. My wife and I went to make love, I think 2 weeks ago now and it was the worst. She wasn’t into it at all. I really wasn’t either. My wife had spoken to me earlier about my daughter and how much she was frustrating her and she didn’t know how to deal with her. This was on my mind since she said it and it effected me in more ways then one, can you say limp. God, I thought that wouldn’t happen. Hell, I’ve always been a rock wind the wind blows. This bothered me but not as much as my wife not being able to deal with my daughter, more on that later.

The next time we went to make love, this past weekend. I was very disturbed on what happened. It was a struggle to get “him” to wake up. I mean when my wife would slightly interact with me or it was exciting, “he” was there. As soon as that excitement was gone, poof like the air let out of a balloon slowly. WTF? It hurts me to think that my wife no longer turns me on just being naked in front of me. It has nothing to do with the fact that she’s pregnant. I love that. I so want her to be into it, wear some thigh-highs for 10 minutes make it exciting not just for me but for both of us. I find that if my wife is quite in our love making when we do that I can go for 45 minutes or more. It feels great but I wont reach the end. She starts making some noise and it can happen pretty quickly. I know this is really getting personal, but hey. That’s what this blog is about. I have begged, pleaded with her to just fulfill a small fantasy, putting on stockings for 10 minutes and that would do a world of great. She listens, but them seems to ignore the request. The other night though I got an unexpected 2 minute BJ out of the middle of know where. It was great! But, once in over a year for 2 minutes…..I’m not downing her. I just want that type of love more. She seemed to enjoy pleasing me, giving me something I don’t normally get. Why now, why out of the blue? Why does it not happen more often? I don’t get it.

The Step Daughter
My daughter just turned 11. She acts like an 11 year old kid would. She doesnt always make the brightest of choices and her mother hasn’t instilled in her to “learn on her own” She has to be shown, over and over again. My wife, her step mother has been in her life since she was 18 months old. So, a long time. I know my wife to an extent loves her. Yet, at the same time doesnt like her being around. My daughter is a reminder of a time before her that she had no control over and doesnt now. My daughters mother can be controlling in many ways. We looked at it and figured that if we were adult enough to make a child we should be adult enough to raise one without going through court. I just want me daughter to know me, her 3 year old brother and her new sibling on the way. Life is short, and we have to make the best of it while we can. Something could happen tomorrow. My wife over time has tried to learn how to deal with my daughter and how her mother has or hasnt instilled things within her. This frustrates my wife and causes her to take it out on my daughter. At times she has completely shunned her for the whole weekend or ridden her ass so hard that everything the kid did was wrong.

But, here is where things change. My wife takes my daughter to the side in her room, sits with her and explains that things have happened to her in her past and that she doesn’t always know how to handle her or situations with her. She told my daughter that things are not her fault at all and that it has to do with her learning how to deal with her. This came about I think from a few Dr. Phill shows where he explained to parents that would fight in front of their kids that kids will always find a way to make “mom and dads fight” about them. Something they did is why they are fighting.

I have to commend my wife in talking to my daughter. I have to give her credit and sucking it up to her. Explaining to an 11 year old that things are not her fault and havent been. I’m so proud of her for doing that. I just hope that things will change when my daughter is over and not feel like she just arrived to a work camp with no fun and all rules that she can’t meet up to.

So, thats it for now. Things have changed, some haven’t but life goes on right..


~ by Frustrated Hubby on January 30, 2008.

7 Responses to “Whats Up?”

  1. We as hubbies want to be loved, shown love and feel loved just as you women do. We aren’t some machine that just wants to nail anything that walks. That’s easy. Just like it is for you.

    He rejected you because a BJ with no emotion behind it is just that a BJ. From you, HIS wife he wants more. A deeper more loving connection.

    When single we will of course take one for free. We have the mind set that’s all this is, just some fun.

    When in a long relationship or married, we want to feel the emotional connection to the one we love. It’s still fun but not as fun. Also, we know when your not into it. Trust me, we do know. Sometimes we just continue for the fear of not getting any for the next month or greater etc, sometimes we continue out of fear of what you might think of us for stopping.

    Just remember this. We want the something things from you as you do from us. We want to feel loved. We want to know you’ll back us up. We want to know we, when we need it have a soft place to place our heads. We just happen to like fast cars, big trucks and movies with lots of explosions…

  2. Indeed, I agree with Surrogate Wife and Alicia. We are often tired and simply can’t get into it. But I disagree with Surrogate Wife about not being able to fake it. I think I CAN fake it, as I trained as an actress, and I think I do it pretty well. It takes a few drinks, energy, and real determination, but if I can manage to start, I sometimes (not always) end up getting into it by accident, as it were. The actual DOING of it can make you start to WANT to do it. You just have to be able to start.
    I have also, like Surrogate Wife, offered my husband sex as a “gift”, and was shocked and insulted when my gift was turned down! Why just the other night, inspired by this blog, I offered him a blowjob, and he said no, he wasn’t into it. He wanted proper sex with heat and passion (and me getting into it) or nothing. I asked him if he had any idea how many men would jump at the chanceof a “free” blowjob by me (being humorous, there!) and he said yes, a lot probably would, but if he couldn’t have it his way, he’d pass, thank you very much. Talk about making special demands!!!!
    However, in retrospect, I shouldn’t have been so shocked. He obviously wants to feel desired, loved, and wanted sexually and otherwise, and a free blowjob wasn’t going to do that for him. It probably felt like charity…a crumb thrown to the poor sex-starved creature.
    Okay…so he has emotional needs, too, but it’s hard for us to put that together with the same guy who whacks off to Internet porno sites and wants me to be in a threesome with some other man that we don’t even know! It’s the co-existence of the emotional needs with the taste for purely physical turn-ons that get us confused. Are they people? Or are they horny little animals? No, wait! They’re both!

  3. Alicia,

    Thanks for the comment and telling me your story. He needs to help out a lot more. You said it right in your comment, your tired. If he doesn’t do something to fix that then he will understand what it’s like to go weeks with no loving.

    For me it’s very complicated. My wife at first was very sexual. She was this way because she felt she needed to have sex in order to please the man she was with. Sacrificing herself for him. At first I took this as who she was and what I had gotten from other women in my life and loved it. I didn’t realize all the pain behind hit. Over the years my wife gained the strength she needed to say no and not feel she was going to be hated for saying it. She, through me found the strength to say no to all of those people that had taken advantage of her. She then used it on me. She no longer had to please a man just for him. Yet, the damage had been done by so many others. I now pay the price for them.

  4. One, I can relate on the working at home thing. I’m doing some oil and gas work for a friend, and getting my own business going. My dilemma is doing the computer work when the kids are asleep, because the Little Man will be at my elbow pulling at my arm, if he’s up. Unless Daddy is here to keep him occupied, which isn’t very often.

    Second, my husband, bless his heart, keeps trying, and I keep turning him down. It’s not him, and I try to explain that to him, but he doesn’t get it. He tells me I’m sexy, he lets me know that I excite him, but if I can’t get into it, I can’t fake it. I even asked him recently how long it would have to be that he’d go without before he’d look elsewhere and he said “Why would I want to?” Which didn’t really answer my question, but….

    I’ve had two kids, in two years, something I never thought I’d do. I take care of the house and everything that goes with that. If they wake up in the middle of the night, I’m the one who gets up. It’s been that way since they were both born. But he just doesn’t seem to realize that I AM TIRED. Period.

    I hope you both are able to “get back that loving feeling”.

  5. I agree with you both, but I’ve been in the situation where I am not into it. And, believe me guys… if we aren’t into it, we can’t force or fake it! Try to remember we are already feeling ashamed and guilty for not wanting it and for the fact that you have to go awhile without it. So we think the next best thing would be to give it to you “as a gift.” Not always the best decision, but we hope that you realize that we do it because we love you. WE LOVE YOU. Seriously, we do. Just because we aren’t in the mood or really into the fantasy, doesn’t mean we don’t.

    I hope this helps you both understand our side a little. That said, I still feel badly for my husband and both of you. It really can’t be easy for you to deal with us. I couldn’t do it if I were you, so I commend you both for not finding your sexual love elsewhere.

    One more thing, it might help if you set the mood and take it real slow. Light some candles, clean the house before she gets home, and/or offer her a body massage without expecting sex afterwards. You’d be amazed how much a clean room/house or laundry being put away will turn us on. :-) And the ‘no expectations massage’ will relax us into really enjoying it because we don’t feel pressured about having sex. But, this relaxing massage will allow her to acually get turned on and I can almost guarantee the sex (intimate sex) will follow. Again, hope this helps! My best wishes to you both!

  6. I would very much agree.

  7. I have been in the “you are getting sex but don’t want it” situation a few times recently with my wife. For me this was as the result of a lack of intimacy and feelings of love between my wife and I. She was making an effort to give me something she thought I wanted (sex) but actually I wanted closeness and mutual sharing.

    I think womens’ view on men is that they will have sex with anyone at the drop of a hat. I have found this not to be true – sex with my wife when I am not emotionally connected to her (and vice versa) is not enjoyable at all. If I wanted have sex just for the sake of having sex then I would go see a prostitute – but I don’t because it is more fun when you are both into each other.

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