Emptyness…..Marriage?
There is something going on in my house right now and it feels empty. It feels like there is no love flowing around. My wife has been acting distant, she gives me a kiss and there is nothing there. No emotion, No passion. It’s just something to do because I lean in. Granted her morning sickness has gone all day at times and shes tired and that’s totally understandable. Me being out of work and looking as hard as I can doesnt make things any easier and I understand that.
With my wife it just seems that when life or things get hard instead of locking arms and working through whatever it is. She pulls away. She moves forward and doesnt look back. When she’s having a hard time I try and be there in the best possible way I know how. It might not be the right way but I’m there. When things get rough for me. I’m left on an island and told, “Lands over there, swim.”
My wife loves to send me little “funny” joke emails on how stupid, idiotic or non-listening men/husbands are. Why? is it supposed to tell me something? Am I supposed to learn to be a better husband from them? I feel bashed as a man and as a husband.
I mean damn. We all have our issues in one way or the other. Why do women punish the current guy they’re with for the mistakes of those in the past? If we suck SO BADLY then why are you with us in the first place?
I love hearing on TV and in some cases in person. “When mama isn’t happy, no ones happy.” Why is it that it seems that a woman can have issues and people around them have to adopt to them only? What about the guy in the relationship? You gender doesn’t give you a free pass to act a certain way towards another. Yet, people seem to think so.
Once again, granted my wife hasn’t been feeling well and I TOTALLY understand that. Yet, there is an absence of any feeling of love. When leaving I say I love her, she responds that she loves me too. The words feel hollow at times, just being said back to me. Great situation to bring another life into. God, they’ll need counseling at some point. I wonder if you can put away for it now like a college fund or something.
I just want to feel loved by the one person it means the most to me, my wife. Is it that hard? It just seems that love can be swayed at anytime depending on the events that are taking place in life. How is that? Shouldn’t that be the one thing that doesn’t feel shaky when things get rough? Shouldn’t it get stronger, to work through whatever it is together? How is it that although I have been upset, frustrated and at times ready to leave. My overall love for my wife has not faded from the first time I sat in Dennys at 3am and feel “in love” with her. This might not be the case but she has expressed that at times, her love for me has diminished. HUH? How does that happen? I dont think I’ll ever know. It seems to most women, us idiot non-listening guys dont have to know either.
To end this up. I truly do love my wife with all that I am. I would do anything for her to make her happy. It just seems that statement is one sided at times.
The Diary of a Sexually Frustated Husband 
FH,
Have you found another job yet? I hope so. It’s been a while since I read your blogs, but I hope some things have changed for the better in the last month or so. I’m a Network Engineer and have only been home 2-3 weeks out of the last 2 months. I had a big implementation.
Happy Holidays,
AF1
The problem of the non-sexual marriage is a sad one. There are many variations of it. Couples therapy is an excellent idea if their is good faith on both sides. Both parties must be willing to fan their own flames of desire, no matter how low it is burning (don’t wait util it’s a blaze – it needs help). I am with Carl Whitaker on this – 1. no relationship can be hotter than a marriage, 2. a marriage must be hot, 3. a sexless marriage is a perversion.
I saw your comment, but I don’t agree with you playing the ignorant card. “What did I lie about now?…”
If you don’t know what she’s talking about, than there’s more than one lie your keeping. I’ve told this to my hubby numerous times: A lie will always reveal itself and the truth eventually. I believe my hubby’s finally gotten it and realized that being honest, even if it will cause a disagreement initially is better on our relationship than lying and being caught out there later. That will piss your wife off to no end. I don’t know any wife who wouldn’t disagree.
It’s not my place to tell you how you’ve been “caught” or in regards to what lie. But, if you think about what you’re not telling her, that you agreed you would, you’d figure the “lie by omission” out.
I love the both of you, but you know that she has my upmost support. We met and instantly connected due to our shared past history. I feel like she’s a sister I just found and should have known my whole life. I guess I’m just saying sorry for the “strangle you” thing.
Read and commented. Great communication. I still dont know what I’ve done now. Why am I ALWAYS the bad guy. She’s perfect right? She has no ownership in anything I guess. Damn, I’m tired of ALWAYS being wrong for something.
I would read her blog of November 8, 2007 to get some insight into the current distance and hollowness on her part.