Am I a Good Man?


Some of you know that we had started couples counseling. I dig it. It gives us a chance to see insight into each other the we might not have been able to see. The counselor asked or me to come in on my own. Ok, cool no problem. One thing I can do well is communicate my feelings.

The Session
So, I’m sitting there talking and I remember a memory from when I was a baby. I dont know, I just do and did. I told her I remembered standing in the crib and seeing the tv on in the other room. She asked how that felt, abandoned? Nope, hurt. Now that I look back on it and have the reasoning to understand it felt as if I wasn’t important enough to come get.

I told her that I sometimes feel that I’m at the bottom of my wifes list. Like everything else is more important then me. She takes this and runs with it. She tells me that I want to be important so I do the things that I do for people so I’m important to them. HUH?

While I can see this to an extent. What’s wrong if I do it that way? Doesn’t everyone want to feel important to someone?

This has really bothered me a great deal. She has gotten me to question myself and my motives for doing things for people, when I was fine with that part of myself. I’m the kind of guy that would give you the shirt off my back, feed a homeless person, be the “big brother” type of guy to women friends at the nightclubs in the past. I though I was a good man. Yes, there are issues that I have to work on but why is this now an issue?

I know I love all over my kids because I didnt get it that much from my dad as a kid. Is that wrong? She makes me question myself on that, and that hurts.

She has caused me to be confused on why I do the things I do. I will admit it. I like attention. I do like to be important. I like to be the guy that people look up to. But, if I do things for the people I love, one because I love them and I get something out of it internally, is that wrong?

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~ by Frustrated Hubby on November 13, 2007.

3 Responses to “Am I a Good Man?”

  1. Thats just it. I do the things I do for people because I care. I don’t think at the time or even anytime after that I’m doing them to feel important. It does make me feel good to put a smile on someones face, to act funny when they are feeling down.

    I don’t see where this in my past is an issue? If I do things for people because I truly love them either as family, close friends or what have you; and in the very back of my head I’m getting to feel important, even if to myself. Then whats the problem?

    I just dont get this one.

  2. I think the therapist is trying to allow you to feel “FREE” to treat people this way and do things for people. If you do it to feel important or because you’re carrying baggage from your past, you’re not as free to do it because you love people only and it won’t feel as good for you. When you do it with freedom, it will feel amazing. Don’t question yourself in the meantime. Once you’ve successfully dealt with your past, it will affect your future actions automatically without any effort on your part.

  3. Of course it isn’t wrong. I hope the therapist didn’t intentionally leave you believing that your intentions are impure, because with all that you have said in this post, it is obvious that they are not.

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