Understanding Communication


You know it isnt always easy to understand your mate and what they are NOT trying to say. Funds are a little tight right now as probably with most of us. I happen to notice that my drivers side front tire (tyre for you brits) had gotten a screw in it. I happen to be speaking with my wife on the phone this morning and mentioned it. I knew we couldn’t spend another $300 right now for a new tire, it wasn’t leaking so it could stay a bit. Her tone changed and she got very cold and said she had to go right away. She was very upset.

I took it by her tone that she was upset “at” me and that I had done something to get the screw in the tire. I got off the phone and didn’t take it well. “What had I done?” I asked myself. Why is she upset at me. Like I had something to do with it. In counseling I was told to let these times roll off my back. That she wasn’t upset at me directly but the situation. It’s harder said then done.

After sitting in my cube for a bit I called her to discuss it further. In the discussion I found out that it wasn’t me, but the situation that had gotten her upset. The fact that this was something else that wasn’t needed right now. I understand what she was telling me but still felt as if I had been scolded without the words. Feelings like this in the past have gotten me to hold onto things and not tell her. I’ve started to be honest and tell her things, good and bad. The conversation went stale with several long pauses of no conversation. The call ended not as I had hoped but on a low note of both of use not saying goodbye really.

I know it’s weird but we both have very long drives home, over an hour for me and close to that for her. I think, what if something was to happen and the last feelings we had were of not getting a long with the other person right then. I would feel horrible for not being able to say I was sorry and that I loved her.

So, I took her tone wrong and as a feeling of being attacked or accused of doing something wrong. I need to learn not to read those emotions wrong and not to always thinks that it’s my fault.

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~ by Frustrated Hubby on October 8, 2007.

2 Responses to “Understanding Communication”

  1. I think it’s important for her to learn to tell you that she is upset with the situation. That would immediately have made things better. It would have put the two of you together (as one) against yet another expense. Instead of you feeling it was you.

  2. Man, oh man…this must be a common thing between husbands/wives…I used to do this, too. I would fly off the handle at a situation and raise my voice…and then get even more upset when my (ex) husband got mad or hurt at ME!

    He was seeing it as me yelling AT him, when really I was just upset at LIFE.

    It truly is amazing how if we just learned to understand communication styles, how much easier relationships would be.

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