Boundries & Languages…How Counseling Went.


It went great! I learned a lot both about myself and how to meet the emotional (love) needs of my wife.

You ever heard about the 5 languages of Love? If not look it up. It says a lot! Follow the link here. What I learned is that I show love through two ways. Everyone does.
Mine are “words of encouragement” and “loving touch” My wifes are “acts of service” and “quality time” WOW!! That says a lot when I go back and think about different times.

When I would cook dinner I would alsways ask my wife “how is it?” I would get back “it’s ok” for me that would hurt as I was looking for those words of encouragement. My wife wouldnt give them as that wasn’t how she showed love. She would show love by say doing the laundry without me asking. Me not putting things away when I should have hurt her. I see these things now. Now it’s just making them come into play.

OH! One thing. The counseler told my wife that I NEED and yes she used the word NEED sex 2 – 3 times a week. HUH?! Sweet!! I think my wifes jaw hit the couch when she said that openly to us. it might be difficult, but I’m willing to give it a try if it will make the relationship stronger. (insert sneaky chuckle and evil grin here)

I learned about boundries and that I dont have any, lol.
When I was a kid all I had to do was be a kid. I didnt have any chores. I didnt have to earn my money, it was given. Even after my parents divorce and my mom was a single parent. I used to get $20 a day during summer to do whatever I wanted with. Becuase I had no rules, and would only hit the end rule. My father, would I know I had gone to far.

Still a little shaky on how to setup those boundries and rules. Being “free” to do whatever you want to all this time wil be hard for a 36 year old guy to learn. I’m willing to take it on though.

So, it went well. We intend to go back next week. I feel things will get better now that we know what each other needs in order to feel loved. Kinda of funny that after almost 10 years of being together and 5 of those being married. We knew these things all along, we just didnt know what it was called or how to convey it to the other.

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~ by Frustrated Hubby on September 27, 2007.

8 Responses to “Boundries & Languages…How Counseling Went.”

  1. After all you two have been through that’s excellent news!! Just watch the new business doesn’t get in the way for you!
    Good luck with the 2-3 times a week sex, be interesting to see if that works, hope it does and will prove the theory’s right. My situation is worse but it’s good to see yours working out, gives the rest of us hope. John

  2. Wonderful news! That counselor sounds like she knows what she’s talking about!

  3. Very interesting FH. That sounds like a great counselor, and it makes total sense about the differences between you two. I’m going to check out that link and have my Wife do the same.
    Thanks!
    -AF1

  4. Well done guys!! There are alot of similarities between you two and my wife and I, so seeing your relationship get back on track gives me hope for my future. My love to you both!

  5. Of course. She doesnt HAVE to do anything that she doesnt want to.

  6. I’m glad it went so well. I’ve read tht book It’s great.
    Just one tiny word of advice and feel free to ignore me lol but don’t make your wife feel as though she needs to GIVE you sex. It must be an act between the two of you and you should go out of your way to make her feel like a goddess and that you want to please her. Not that she needs to please you. As you know I have had my fair share of sexual issues and I’m sure she would appreciate that.

  7. Ginger,

    Thank you for the kind words. We both went like “Ahhhhhh” now I get why we haven’t been able to see and understand the other persons feelings and stance on things. So it was a big eye opener.

    I agree with my wife that this should be taught to every new couple thinking of getting married. Just not in a church but a marriage license requirement.

    We have been close to calling it quits and it would have been over not really understanding what the other person needed.

  8. *Cheers & applause! Cheers & applause!!!!*

    This is the BEST post I’ve read today! This sounds like an excellent counselor. The thing about boundaries is definitely on target. I have issues with boundaries because I have always let people walk all over me. I think it’s because I spent my whole childhood trying to keep the peace in my home and trying to please everybody to accomplish that. I’m reading a book called “Boundaries” in which a lot of it is for those dealing with addicted spouses or loved ones but so much of it has helped me, too.

    I was thinking that when you were having such a difficult time with understanding why your wife was upset about being contacted by the son’s mother…that you didn’t see that your wife’s boundaries were violated. See, she’s having to deal with enforcing her own boundaries, too, because hers were so severely violated as a child.

    I hope that as your sexual relationship rekindles that she will open herself up sexually and see it as a pleasure for HER and you both. That it is a wonderful human experience that is not dirty like she was programmed to believe by that son of a bitch who violated her. I just know that you guys are gonna get through this time, and oh my…just think of how fulfilling things will be as time goes on!

    Anyway, you both should be very encouraged that you are taking steps toward understanding each other. It is a victory to be celebrated!!! :)

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