She wants me to go talk to someone.

Ok, I’m down with that. I can do that all day long. I just dont know what I’m supposed to gain from it. My feelings are that once I explain myself that it will be suggested that this is what “you” need to do in order to make your wife happy. I can be totaly wrong and I hope that I am. But, why is it always the guy that has to change to make the other one happy?

My wife doesnt answer to me. She can go where she wants to with who she wants to. She can spend what she wants where she wants. Since day one I have not asked any of these as questions from her. I trust her until…..

Is she more responsible yes. I like to have fun and I guess thats an issue. I dont mean spend every dime on a new plasma tv for $5000 fun or anything.

So, I’ll go. Dont know what I should talk about. Dont know what I’ll gain but I’ll keep an open mind. I just dont need another woman telling me that I “need” to do XYZ.


~ by Frustrated Hubby on September 25, 2007.

5 Responses to “She wants me to go talk to someone.”

  1. Frustrated Hubby, I am just like you in that I am way too trusting way too quickly. “Innocent until proven guilty.”

    Thing is…it was not cool for you to be communicating with your son behind her back. She took that as a breach of trust (lie via omission of the facts)…ya know?

    I know you don’t like to have to answer to her, but perhaps if you look at it as not “answering” to each other but it being almost like a business where you are “accountable” to each other, maybe that would help.

    A lot of it is in how you look at it.

  2. 3) I give everyone my trust right up front. She didnt have to earn it, I gave it freely. I do this to everyone until they prove me different. That’s just me.

    Anyways, I know I’m not perfect by any means. I have things to work on. How you earn trust I have no idea. I guess thats what counseling will inform me of.

    As far as trust. It goes for her as well. I’m going to have to trust that she might not blow up on me for something and just let her know.

    I just dont like the fact of “feeling” like I have to answer to someone once I get home. I dont require or request it from her. Anyways, like I said before. I’ve made this bed to an extent, I guess I have to lay in it now.

  3. 1) It isn’t always the guy that has to change. This is ignorance speaking. In marriage counseling, the counselor will want to speak with both of you together as a couple. Then, he/she may meet with you individually. I can tell you that there will be a lot of correction suggested on your part, but as an outside observer there will some on your wife’s part too.

    2) My earlier comment about trust/trustworthiness/earning trust came straight from my marriage counselor’s mouth when my husband and I were attending. However, I was the one who had to earn his trust back and it took a long time. Through it all, I had to remember that his insecurity and mistrust were MY fault for betraying his trust in the first place. In other words, you can’t be mad about having to earn the trust back because it is YOUR fault it isn’t there to begin with.

    3) You trust her because she is trustworthy. If she wasn’t trustworthy or she was like your “until…” comment, then you would question her. Because she has earned your trust and deserves it, you don’t have to. This doesn’t apply to you, obviously. You can’t expect the same treatment when you’ve proven yourself untrustworthy.

    4) “I don’t need another woman telling me that I need to do XYZ.” This comment right here is sexist, my dear. You are already going into it with the wrong attitude. I pray you have a major attitude adjustment before going to see a counselor, because if you walk in with that one, you will be getting the majority of speaking to.

  4. Nope, Orlando area. You would think with this place being called one of the happiest places on earth…….

    I’ll go. I’ll talk and listen and try to implement.

  5. As I just said in my comment on the last thread…you BOTH need counseling. For reals.

    Separate and then together.

    A good counselor isn’t going to put all of the blame on one or the other. They will take all of the pieces and begin to put the puzzle back together so that the picture starts looking beautiful again.

    I don’t know where you guys are located, but if you are in Nashville, I have a suggestion for a WONDERFUL counselor.

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