Why is this not bothering me?


For the past couple of days my sex drive seems to have turned off. I’m not thinking about it. I havent surfed adult sites. My sight is returning from not playing with myself. This is weird.

I used to do what my wife calls “grabbing her” all the time. I didn’t think it was that bad and I didn’t do it in a volguar “your my bitch” type of way. I was asked by my wife to not do this. Ok, I’ve stopped. Let me find the words……………… We dont really touch anymore as a couple would. I have given my wife what she wants, someone who leaves her alone. I find it more comfort to sleep on the couch or in my sons room then in the bed with my own wife. If I do come into bed a thousand things run through my head, “can I slide in without waking her. If I do wake her will she be short and kind of bitchy in the morning? I’ve sometimes laid there for 10 minutes hoping I didn’t wake her.

I’m a person that likes to hold the one I love. I hold both my kids all the time. I kiss on them, hug them etc. I show them that they are loved. I need that from my wife and she doesnt know how to show it. She has done a great job of not holding in her anger about other things and then taking them out on mostly me. Being around my wife makes me feel like I dont know what I’m doing. How to approach her. What will trigger a memory of things in the past or what wont. She said the other day that her and the girls were talking about sex at work. She basicly said she felt nothing about the conversation. For a 3X’s something woman…….

I miss her touch, I miss her leaning on me when we sit there and watch tv. She shows no outward affection. I NEED THAT!!

We are going away for our anniversery this weekend to the beach. Due to this disconnect I dont feel really into it. She is excited about going to the beach, but is it to be with me or the beach? I dunno. She was gone all last weekend out of state and while I missed her, it didnt bother me as much as I thought it would have. That in itself bothers me. I should have been bummed all weekend without her there. I should have been counting the hours until she was back, shouldnt I?

We spoke on the phone yesterday as we do in the am. She was asking me to put in more hours so that we could leave early for the weekend. The conversation got a little heated and she said we’ll me and our son will just go to the beach this weekend. Like that’s a threat. It wouldnt bother me. “Go for it” was my response. Not making love to my wife for a week used to bother me. Now, I dont really care. I was on the couch sitting with the laptop in front of me on the table. She came and sat on my lap reverse cowgirl postion. This did get me excited for all of 20 seconds and then that was it. I normaly would have had wood from here to China and nothing, not even the little tingles around the jewels.

Why is that? That bothers me a lot! It shouldnt be like that. There is a part of me that feels that over time, by me giving her what she’s asked for all this time. I’ve killed off a part of myself that was very important to me.

We’ll see after this weekend. I used to think I was going to get all kinds of sexy loving when events like this were coming up. I’ve learned to not get my hopes up.

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~ by Frustrated Hubby on September 20, 2007.

6 Responses to “Why is this not bothering me?”

  1. TBC,

    Sometimes being honest hurts, both you and the other person. Communication is key. By me mentioning what I was missing. I got the loving attention that was absent. Build up some confidence my man, feel free to speak your mind and communicate to your mate what your looking for.

  2. I second that – it is great that you two feel strong enough with each other to share these thoughts and feelings. I am jealous of your honesty and openness….

  3. I had my 10th anniversary back in July, and I would have to say there was such a distance. Although we rarely do anything for our anniversary, I took her away for an extended weekend this time.

    After noticing things were so distant, I’ve started to communicate with her more, letting her know that she is the only one for me, and that I truly want to live out the rest of my life with her. Sure I feel more vulnerable, but she has slowly come back around, and I’m feeling more confident that our relationship is back on track. Even she admitted that we were at a crossroad back then.

    All I can say is to try your hardest to get things back to the way they used to be, or get things on track for where you want it to go. It takes compromise from both of you. I do feel like I’ve definitely put out much more than my Wife when trying to rekindle things, but she’s worth it.

    We(Men) like to hear those sweet words in our ear, compliments, affectionate touches, etc… that you ladies do. We like to know that we’re appreciated, and we like to know that our needs matter too. We’ve committed to you and only you, so we come to you to satisfy our Mental and Physical needs(that only a Spouse/Mate can). Sure we may be forced to take care of ‘things’ on our own when you don’t feel like it, but it’s because we are committed to you that we don’t seek it from other women.

    Just like it’s not all about us, it’s also not all about you. It’s supposed to be a compromise. We give a little, you give a little.

    Please don’t think that I am judging you two because I have the same problems as you(and I am not). I am in no way better than you two and my relationship needs work also. I bought my Wife 5 sets of lingerie about 5 weeks ago, and she’s only worn something 2 or 3 times in 5 weeks at my beckon :( How I would love for her to surprise me and put one on without me asking….. Oh well, back to reality.

    I strongly believe in marriage, and wish you two the best success with yours. I think it’s phenomenal that you two can share this post/site. I’ve been too much of a chicken to show it to my Wife.

    Compromise, Compromise, Compromise.
    They say habits are formed by repeated actions(or inaction).

    Regards and Best Wishes
    -AF1

  4. […] that my hubby is having a very difficult time dealing with some of the effects of my abuse.  He says  he feels more comfortable sleeping on the couch.  This has been a huge pet peeve of mine for […]

  5. I’m sorry that it does. I really am. It’s the way I feel for right now.

  6. This saddens me to my core…

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