Trust…


The title says it all. I grappled with naming it something cute or cool but, why. I’ve noticed something in women that have been molested, raped or what have you. Their trust of everyone around them is shattered. Don’t get me wrong I can totally understand the reason or reasons why. My observation is the lingering effects it has for years or decades later on the ones closest to them. It isn’t something that it seems they, I don’t want to say get over but learn to give freely. I noticed this in my wife early on, even when I gave her no reason to mistrust.

As a guy I’ve had my fair share of getting cheated on. I know what to look out for now, so I guess you could say, I’m a bit wiser? I’m the kind of person that I give you my full and complete trust until you blow it. I dont expect the same from my wife or other women, you are just wired differently.

In a recent discussion at the dinner table with my “surrogate wife” she was telling us that she was grilling her daughter about this and that etc. I mean hardcore wanting to know everything. This is just my opinions by the way. I love her to death and do whatever she needed. Previous to her telling us how she questions everything her daughter does, she said that her daughter spoke up to someone about how she knows right from wrong. Her mother had taught her well, that was clear. Yet, she didn’t trust her with that knowledge. Remember when you were 16. You thought you knew everything, yet in the back of your head you knew right from wrong. You just wanted to be trusted, allowed to prove that what had been instilled was learned and that you could make the right choices on your own, not all the time but you would get it right when it counted. The lack of trust she was showing to her daughter, would push her away.

I know, I’m a parent as you know. A 2.5 year old son and a 10 year old daughter that I get every other weekend. Granted she isn’t 16 but I can see that she wants me to somewhat trust her. I do this to an extent with great supervision but, to me she has to learn from that trust as well. To me a kid wants to do right, they want that trust so badly that they really don’t want to destroy it. If they do it’s devastating. It took so long for them to earn in the first place.

See, trust was taken away from little girls who became mothers, that they themselves can’t trust the ones closest to them.

Also, dont get me wrong. I’m NOT saying you shouldn’t know whats going on in your kids life. A few questions here and there will get you the answers you seek, but not all of them and that you have to understand.

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~ by Frustrated Hubby on July 25, 2007.

One Response to “Trust…”

  1. this is a powerful post.

    You’re right about what you said in the first paragraph… I was raped when I was in college and even if I try and tell myself that it doesn’t effect me, it really actually does.

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