Something Funny..Stoned 7 Year Old.

Life..

So, in my last posting I was going to be moving to Virgina for a new job. As it got closer and spending time with my family and 4 year old son. I came to the conclusion that the one thing I can’t get back is time. Also, my son misses me when I go to the mailbox. So, moving and being out of his life for an extended period of time, isn’t something I’m willing to put him through.

So, I’m still home. I’ve found a new position as a designer with a Sheriffs Department. It’s a county job, pay isn that great but I’ll be home every evening. One cool aspect is that I’ll get the opportunity to go to the academy for free and become a reserve deputy.

After talking to the wife sometime back, I thought she understood what I needed in a wife. Things were great for about a month. Ironically it’s when she thought I would be moving. I got the wife I had wanted. Well, now that I’m staying home. She has reverted back to the same person as before. I guess this is the life I am to lead. In some ways I feel cheated, as if I’m not going to achieve the things in life I want to. I feel I’m running out of time…

RULES THAT MEN WISH WOMEN KNEW

I happen to find this while surfing and I wanted to share.

1. If you think you might be fat, you are. Don’t ask us. Just get your fat ass in a gym.

2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it’s up put it down.

3. Don’t cut your hair. Ever.

4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if he can find the perfect present, again!

5. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

6. Sometimes, he’s not thinking about you. Live with it.

7. Don’t ask him what he’s thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.

8. Get rid of your cat. And no, it’s not different, it’s just like every other cat.

9. Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.

10. Sunday = Sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

11. Shopping is not a sport.

12. Anything you wear is fine. Really.

13. You have enough clothes.

14. You have too many shoes.

15. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don’t expect us to like it.

16. Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is an idiot and your Dad probably is too.

17. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don’t work.

18. No, he doesn’t know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.

19. Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We’re bound to miss sometimes.

20. Most guys own two to three pairs of shoes-what makes you think we’d be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

21. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.

22. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

23. Your Mom doesn’t have to be our best friend.

24. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.

25. Check your oil.

26. Don’t give us 50 rules when 25 will do.

27. Don’t fake it. We’d rather be ineffective than deceived.

28. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.

29. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.

30. If you don’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.

31. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.

32. Let us ogle. If we don’t look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?

33. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done – not both.

34. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

35. Christopher Columbus didn’t need directions, and neither do we.

36. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.

37. Consider Golf a mini-vacation from you. We need it, just like you do.

38. Telling us that the models in the men’s magazines are airbrushed makes you look jealous and petty and it’s certainly not going to deter us from reading the magazines.

39. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.

40. Anyone can buy condoms.

AND FINALLY,

41. Don’t rub the lamp if you don’t want the genie to come out.

Already Missing Them…

I’m sitting at the Ronald Regean airport writing to tell you that I got a new position. I’ll be a Sr. Visual Designer for a software company in Arlington,VA. It’s great news. A full time job with benefits, stock options and 3 weeks of PTO to start. A salary thats higher then I have ever made in my career so things are looking up. We wont have to worry about paying bills, the mortgage, car payments and everything else that comes along with life. It’s hard being out of work, especially when your the person that pays the big bills.

The hard part is that it’s located in Arlinton, VA. Yes, it’s only an 1.5hr flight from home but its the fact that I wonf be around my family every evening. My wife will be on her own when I’m not there. I’m excited and already missing them just thinking about the pending move.

Will absence make the ehart grow fonder? I dont know. I hope my wife understands how hard this is for me really. I’m slightly worried that it will force her to live and do things on her own, and come to realize that she really doesnt need me. All I can think about is that I’m willing to make this sacrafice to take care of my family. Look at the news, you see 2000 laid-off from here and 4000 from there. It’s going to get worse, but this company is stable and just made a nice offer. One thing I can’t get back is time and I know that. I hope my son, for as ling as I do this understands one day what I am having to do.

Going Home

Yes, I returned home after a few hours and a text from the wife saying our son had been taken by grandparents to the park, she would be here to talk.

I explained my feelings to her. Got it off my chest. Explained that for years it seems that “life” in general has taken a front-row seat to everything and our marriage/relationship has been the last thing on her mind. I explaind that the “life” that we now live was born from that relationship, from the marriage. They are both tied together now. I asked her point blank if she felt that our marriage was worth fighting for, worth working at it until we feel we both have given it everything we have. I asked her if she wanted a divorce.

She really didnt answer. Leading you to think that in fact she did. I explained what would happen in a divorce, no more house, kids would be with me every two weeks then her, kids might get exposed to another woman, another man, life as it is now know for everyone would drasticly alter and it may not be for the best.

I explained to my wife that the pain that she went through and continues to go through on a minute by minute basis, the hurt that was caused continues to dictate who she is. I asked her if she feels she can be loved and worthy of being loved. She shook her head no. She stated she feels as if shes damaged goods and why would I continue to fight for her? Becuase I’ve seen this other person inside of her. I explained it like this. The pain and hurt is like a puddle of mud. When she has a few drinks, that mud washes away. The loving, motherly, wife underneath shines through. Then after that wears off, for some reason. She feels she has to jump right back into the mud, get covered and everyone she loves deals with the person on the surface.

I have tried over the years to change myself to what she needed from me. To be quicker on this and that. To try and be a better husband etc. It feels as if I have done a lot of work without it being returned. Now, some of you will say. She needs to go to counceling. I would agree. Thats happened, and very little to effect who she is came out of it.

I hope she learned today when I walked out and was thinking of just pointing the car to Michigan and taking the job or California, staying with my sister and getting a job out there. That I didnt. I believe in her and came back home. I almost wish she was a drug addict. At least it would be something that I could see, point out to her and start to work on. This is within her, locked away and something I have been unable to rid, fix or change within her. She needs to do this or she runs the risk of losing everything she holds dear. Our two sons, in time as they get older will also be effected by this. She has already started to get tougher with the 4 year old for things that are minor. The 5 month old doesnt yet push buttons, cant talk back. Requests nothing really. It’s when you can make requests or attach strings on those requests that things start getting rough.

I dont know what the future will hold, if my wife will be in it or I blog and am alone. I would move on to someone else, she stated she wouldnt. I would be it, no more men in her life. See, the situation wouldnt change based on the guy. The issues dont live within me or another. They live within her and must be extingished or lose it all.

Communication…WTF?

Haven’t you noticed that when you do get into a tiff or fight that it is usaly a failuare to effectively communicate somewhere? My wife and I had that this morning.

I normaly get up and cook Sunday breakfast. I wanted to start this tradition not for myself but or my kids. I could picture, “yeah, my dad got up and cooked breakfast every Sunday” in a conversation at some point in the future to a friend or spouse. I also do it out of love.

The wife had ben up since 6am doing extra work for work. I got up, and headed out to the kitchen area. My wife asks me if I could get started on cooking. I said I would. This to me was more of a question, in the sense of time. I wasn’t upset then, that came later. I looked at the kitchen and in order to make homefries, I had to peel some potatoes. Well, there was a stack of dishes in the sink from last nights dinner. The I cook you clean seems to have fallen by the wayside over time. Now I just feel there is always a pile of dishes for “me” to do no matter who cooks or cleans, anyways. I had to empty the dish washer in order to make room for the dirty dishes. I was then asked, but it seemed and I took it then as more of a command of “are you going to start cooking?” The way this came off and the way I took it rubbed me the wrong way. I will admit, she might not have been saying it that way, but its the way it sounded and I know now thats not what was intended. I started the homefries, took some bacon and sauted in in the pan for the bacon grease, I diced up a sweet onion, sauted that in the same pan. I also diced up a little red peper and added that to the pan as well. Tossed in some Sea Salt, Garlic Powder, Adobo (Spanish Spice Mix) and Sazon (made with Saphron). As this was cooking I diced the newly peeled potatoes and added them in. As I was cooking the wife walks by and looks in, she says “oh, you added the bacon in there” and walked off. The way this came off was “I dont like what you’ve done.” I felt as if I was being thanked for cooking in the first place. But, being criticized for tossing in the bacon.

One of my love languages is Words of Affirmation. So, in hearing this I was now fully pissed. I came back with an answer of, “Well, if you wanted it differently then you should have gone to Burger King.” I didn’t say it with a loud pissed off voice. I just did. It doesnt matter how it was said, it was just said really.

I finished, we sat down to eat and things were calm down for a bit. I then go into the office to check emails, see whats up on Linkedin and so on. She then says “are you going to do anything?!” HUH? Now I got pissed. I emptied the dish washer, I filled it, I cooked breakfast and not just something quick and ok. I also put the 4 month old to sleep after I was done eating. I just wanted to take some time to myself and see what was up. If there was a huge need for me to be busy, write me up a list or something. I then in a pissed off voice, said “What would you like for me to do?” her response..”Nothing Tony, Nothing..” as she shakes her head and has a look on her face of disgust. WTF!!? You ask if I’m going to do anything. I ask you what, then you fail to give me an answer. As if I was supposed to know that there was this magical list of things that were supposed to get done.

See how all this comes down to communication and sometimes either of you seems to not be speaking the same lanugage. Sometimes it just seems so fucked up.

So, we sat down to discuss. I listened to what she had to say. At my point in talking she was shaking her head no. This gives you the feling that no matter what your saying the other person is unwilling to hear you out. They have aleady made up their mind that what you have to say isnt worth listening to. So, why bother. I asked her if she was goin to be resecptive to listening to what I had to say. she said she could give me an answer. Well, “have a nice afternoon” was my response.

I left the house…

Now I sit at Panera Bread wondering what to do next. Do I just get in the car and head towards California and stay with my sister? Do I head towards Michigan and take the job that was offered to me? I just want to go home and start today all over again, both of us. I packed a few clothes into a bag, not knowing what my next steps are going to be. This whole thing is really screwed up, ya know. Why does it have to be like this? Why is loving someone and being married to them so damn hard?

I’ll end up going home as I love my family, I really do. I just dont always like my wife at times and I’m sure she doesnt like me at times as well. It seemed while I was gone on my interviews and when I first got back home she was so loving. Now things are back to normal.

We’ll see what happens.