So, I thought things had changed even for the little bit but alas nope. I climbed into bed the other night and simply looked at my wife and stated, “so, how about we make mad passionate love to each other?” I was then told “wow, that was romantic. Why didn’t you just come over and start kissing me and see where that got you?” I’ve done this before only to get excited and then shot down. Sometimes it feels like she likes to see me get super horny and then blow it up. Just to have me come crashing down. I attribute this to a power issue. When she was molested by her father she felt over-powered. I could see this as a way of her not consciously but unconsciously that she’s in control. I’ve spoken to counselors and they have agreed with me in the past. So I know I’m not to far off the mark. I could quickly see this situation going down hill, I grabbed the back of her head and with a hand full of hair proceeded to just kiss her passionately. This lead into a great love making session and all was well. Fast forward to the other night, I tried the same thing per her request and I get a limp fish. I ask whats wrong and she says that she’s just not in the mood. Mind you a week had gone by since the previous session. My wife has no “ON” switch. Most women I had been with had something that they loved and would get them turned on. I do what my wife asks and it works once, then fails the very next time. This is hard for me to grasp as I don’t know what will or wont work. Hence my just asking sometimes. At least I know what I’m stepping into. Otherwise it’s like stepping into a mind field blindfolded.
Launching tech startup hasn’t been easy. I still work a full-time 40 hour a week position so I can continue to pay the bills. My startup now has 5 of us that all feel that it’s going to make it or at least give it a go. My 7yr old son came up to me the other day and said that I spend to much time in the office and if I could come out and spend time with him and his brother. This made me feel horrible. So I instantly got up and went to play. While it was great to be with them I felt that I was also not moving forward with the startup.
I’m not bitching but here are some of the things I deal with:
- Husband to a wife that has emotional issues stemming from sexual abuse at the hands of her father over 5+ years.
- Daddy to 3 great kids. 15 year old girl who lives with a controlling, untrusting mother. Oh, I happen to now have to pay her $1026 a month until my daughter is 25. our 2 boys 7 and 4. I also have a 14 year old son that I’ve never met, yet calls me dad when I speak to him on the phone, that’s weird.
- My parents have now moved in with us. I like them being here. I have someone that I can vent to if needed.
- A wife that flat out refuses to go back to work and will come up with any excuse on the planet as to why not to.
- I’m launching a tech startup. There’s a bunch of stuff with that. One thing is the lack of time that I really need to devote to it.
- I pay for everything. I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. My wife doesnt seem to understand that at all. I can’t get sick, I can’t take time off, I just have to deal with things as they come up and roll with it.
- My limited edition car just took some major engine damage to the point where I’m going to have to rebuild the engine to the tune of roughly $8000 US. We’re now down to one car.
- The house that we had built in late 2003 had mold and Chinese drywall issues that almost killed our son. We left and now 3 years later I owe over $300,000 on a worthless house that new, was half that.
- I’m worried daily that something could happen with my position that could allow all of the above to come crashing down as we live pay check to pay check. This is why I would love for my wife to help add a safety net in case something happens.
Whew! That’s a lot of crap that I deal with on a daily basis. You know, looking at the above. It’s sad that there’s no time in there for me. That’s whats new and whats been keeping me busy as you can see. I guess I have to wrap up this posting by saying that whatever you are doing in life. Don’t bury your head. It wont change anything. We just have to deal with it and move on.